2009 in review
I'm tryin to think of all the stuff that happened this year. and there's quite a few things that stand out. But i know i'm forgetting a lot.
Finished up my last year of college. Passed micro by 1%. fuck that class.
Then i graduated and had a good sized shin dig at my place. that was fun. beer pong in a cap and gown.
Started interning at ruiz foods and was eventually hired. I got my dream job.
Oh and i bought my car. which i pined for for three long years.
Started looking to buy a home.
Developed a product that is gonna be stores soon.
Spent most of the year with a wonderful girl that would do pretty much anything for me. Which is a rare thing to find these days i think. Especially to me. Cuz i'm a pain in the ass.
i quit excessively drinking all the time.
im gonna stop capitalizing my sentences now.
drove to the top of california along the coast. went on a couple other trips i think. kayaked a few places. monterey. santa cruz.
so i think i finally became that successful person i was supposed to be this year. did exactly what i said i was going to fucking do. almost to a T. That business adult whatever side of my life is pretty well taken care. the other parts i dunno. still socially inept. i now hate driving over big bridges. my relationship skills come and go. i dunno. i hate the quiet.
so next year i'm thinking will be pretty good. my product will hit stores. I'll find out when on monday. but im thinking march or april. my fucking brain child. on shelves. in mouths. enjoyed. and digested. and hopefully i should have a house pretty soon too. after all that is taken care of i'm not sure what i'll do. maybe get engaged or something. ha.
i am considering being a drug dealer. apparently thats hot shit. dont ask. wouldnt that be something though. what if i just threw it all away? moved home. and that was all she wrote. id go back to restaurant work. oi i'd probably kill myself.
tonight some people are comin over. we're gonna play some mario kart four player style. do some drinkin. maybe i'll get everyone to play mafia. cuz that sounds kind of fun at the moment. oh memories.
i think next year i wanna work on being more social. here. not in paso. i need to get out more with friends. so im gonna make a conscious effort to do that.
what else. i need to get back into working out. i'm sorry. im scrawny.
i'm close to being complete. with everything. maybe i'll get there next year.
Finished up my last year of college. Passed micro by 1%. fuck that class.
Then i graduated and had a good sized shin dig at my place. that was fun. beer pong in a cap and gown.
Started interning at ruiz foods and was eventually hired. I got my dream job.
Oh and i bought my car. which i pined for for three long years.
Started looking to buy a home.
Developed a product that is gonna be stores soon.
Spent most of the year with a wonderful girl that would do pretty much anything for me. Which is a rare thing to find these days i think. Especially to me. Cuz i'm a pain in the ass.
i quit excessively drinking all the time.
im gonna stop capitalizing my sentences now.
drove to the top of california along the coast. went on a couple other trips i think. kayaked a few places. monterey. santa cruz.
so i think i finally became that successful person i was supposed to be this year. did exactly what i said i was going to fucking do. almost to a T. That business adult whatever side of my life is pretty well taken care. the other parts i dunno. still socially inept. i now hate driving over big bridges. my relationship skills come and go. i dunno. i hate the quiet.
so next year i'm thinking will be pretty good. my product will hit stores. I'll find out when on monday. but im thinking march or april. my fucking brain child. on shelves. in mouths. enjoyed. and digested. and hopefully i should have a house pretty soon too. after all that is taken care of i'm not sure what i'll do. maybe get engaged or something. ha.
i am considering being a drug dealer. apparently thats hot shit. dont ask. wouldnt that be something though. what if i just threw it all away? moved home. and that was all she wrote. id go back to restaurant work. oi i'd probably kill myself.
tonight some people are comin over. we're gonna play some mario kart four player style. do some drinkin. maybe i'll get everyone to play mafia. cuz that sounds kind of fun at the moment. oh memories.
i think next year i wanna work on being more social. here. not in paso. i need to get out more with friends. so im gonna make a conscious effort to do that.
what else. i need to get back into working out. i'm sorry. im scrawny.
i'm close to being complete. with everything. maybe i'll get there next year.
dances with wolves
What do you want?
I want us. To go to bed with you every night. And i want to wake up next to you every morning. That's it. None of that other stuff really means that much to me.
*
"Startin to sound like you're comin around."
"I never left. Freak."
*
as i walked in i thought the room smelled kind of funny... it was cold... very cold... i layed down on the bed and surveyed my surroundings... got up after a little while to have a cigarette with an old acquittance... outside... amongst the small crowd that had gathered... she said, "i'm glad you're back; it's definitely a good thing"...
i smiled, "here's to stickin around"...
it was cold. i think i remember someone lighting a fire outback. everything is kind of hazy.
*
"when we do. i'm expecting a lot."
*
i went back into her room. layed down on the bed, next to her. ran my fingers along the bottom cusp of her sweater. making contact with her lower abdomen. i pulled myself up so my hips lay between her thighs. i kissed. and kissed. and kissed.
i was too enamored to sleep. i wrapped my arm around her and held on. like if i kept her close enough to me i wouldn't have to worry about her slipping away.
*
i layed on the bed intently watching her facial expressions as she was on the phone. smirks. and stone walls.
"he called me honey bunny"
my stomach turns into a sinking pit.
"i dont know what im doing, i'm an idiot"
really.
*
"there is where i would rather be"
*
hearts explode
this is how
lovers die
she ate my heart.
swallowed me whole.
digested my bones.
and even my soul.
I want us. To go to bed with you every night. And i want to wake up next to you every morning. That's it. None of that other stuff really means that much to me.
*
"Startin to sound like you're comin around."
"I never left. Freak."
*
as i walked in i thought the room smelled kind of funny... it was cold... very cold... i layed down on the bed and surveyed my surroundings... got up after a little while to have a cigarette with an old acquittance... outside... amongst the small crowd that had gathered... she said, "i'm glad you're back; it's definitely a good thing"...
i smiled, "here's to stickin around"...
it was cold. i think i remember someone lighting a fire outback. everything is kind of hazy.
*
"when we do. i'm expecting a lot."
*
i went back into her room. layed down on the bed, next to her. ran my fingers along the bottom cusp of her sweater. making contact with her lower abdomen. i pulled myself up so my hips lay between her thighs. i kissed. and kissed. and kissed.
i was too enamored to sleep. i wrapped my arm around her and held on. like if i kept her close enough to me i wouldn't have to worry about her slipping away.
*
i layed on the bed intently watching her facial expressions as she was on the phone. smirks. and stone walls.
"he called me honey bunny"
my stomach turns into a sinking pit.
"i dont know what im doing, i'm an idiot"
really.
*
"there is where i would rather be"
*
hearts explode
this is how
lovers die
she ate my heart.
swallowed me whole.
digested my bones.
and even my soul.
vacation starts now.
slept in til 11.
did some shopping. got a nice pair of black converse. yes im one of those kids now. some one time use red hair dye. so i can have a red fohawk. and a monster sticker for the back window of my car.
came home. made some thai chicken pizza. some hawaiian pizza.
and played some mario kart.
tomorrow morning me and jason are going golfing.
relaxing. good. shit.
story is comin along.
i want some ice cream.
slept in til 11.
did some shopping. got a nice pair of black converse. yes im one of those kids now. some one time use red hair dye. so i can have a red fohawk. and a monster sticker for the back window of my car.
came home. made some thai chicken pizza. some hawaiian pizza.
and played some mario kart.
tomorrow morning me and jason are going golfing.
relaxing. good. shit.
story is comin along.
i want some ice cream.
today consisted of.
polenta w/ pesto and squash. yum.
chipotle chicken tacos with mango salsa and pepperjack cheese sauce. amazing.
now having a wii w/ mario kart at my place. pretty fun.
my mood has been extremely up and down. just depends on whats going through my head at the moment i guess.
the neighbors cat is fun but is a terrorizer.
oh and i now own season five of the office. bitch.
polenta w/ pesto and squash. yum.
chipotle chicken tacos with mango salsa and pepperjack cheese sauce. amazing.
now having a wii w/ mario kart at my place. pretty fun.
my mood has been extremely up and down. just depends on whats going through my head at the moment i guess.
the neighbors cat is fun but is a terrorizer.
oh and i now own season five of the office. bitch.
woke up with a horrible hangover. oops. i had two of those anti hangover drinks. they were actually my chasers haha. and they worked in the sense that i drank alot last night and was feelin good pretty much the whole time. usually when i drink that much i feel icky. but i felt great while i was drinking. i felt horrible this morning. shit. so much for that.
spent all of today watching tv and playin on the computer. ugh. boring.
tomorrow is football day.
going golfing next week. skeet skeet
cooked my ham tonight. did up a nice spiced brown sugar and orange sauce. delicious. tomorrow im makin chicken tacos with mango salsa and pepperjack cheese sauce. damn im good. heh.
thats about it.
spent all of today watching tv and playin on the computer. ugh. boring.
tomorrow is football day.
going golfing next week. skeet skeet
cooked my ham tonight. did up a nice spiced brown sugar and orange sauce. delicious. tomorrow im makin chicken tacos with mango salsa and pepperjack cheese sauce. damn im good. heh.
thats about it.
christmas day. decent presents. i didnt have a list at all for anyone to work with. anything i want i pretty much buy nowadays. its a good life. but. i got some sweatervests. haha. i am easy to shop for. anyway. so i wasnt too dissapointed. i wasnt expecting much. spent the rest of the morning washing my car and doing laundry.
went and visited the thomasons for a couple hours. theyre my extended family. and i like stickin it to caleb whenever possible with my accomplishments. so that was good.
then went over to grandmas again for a quick dinner. duck. ham. good stuff. my family makes pretty decent food for the most part. im terrible cuz im so judgemental about what hits my tastebuds but i come from a good culinary foundation.
thats about it. back home. drinkin. thats what i do when i dont work the next day. which is forshadowing the plans for the week forthcoming.
on deck for this weekend? i dunno. alot of alone time. maybe cook a decent meal myself.
its time to start finishin the party inside. instead of outside. :O
went and visited the thomasons for a couple hours. theyre my extended family. and i like stickin it to caleb whenever possible with my accomplishments. so that was good.
then went over to grandmas again for a quick dinner. duck. ham. good stuff. my family makes pretty decent food for the most part. im terrible cuz im so judgemental about what hits my tastebuds but i come from a good culinary foundation.
thats about it. back home. drinkin. thats what i do when i dont work the next day. which is forshadowing the plans for the week forthcoming.
on deck for this weekend? i dunno. alot of alone time. maybe cook a decent meal myself.
its time to start finishin the party inside. instead of outside. :O
my dark emo days
pride and ego are low these days.
it was interesting day. my emotions are still stable and low.
went to grandmas for the grand ole christmas gathering. every year we have one of second uncles or something come dress up as santa and hand out toys to all the little kids. well most of us are grown up. but, santa couldnt show this year. so guess who played the part. meeeeeee. pictures forthcoming. not on here though. it was fun. i was told i did a good job. my brothers fiance sat on my lap. haha. so did my brother. so it was a good time. played some baseball in the front yard. got decent presents. im easy to shop for. cookbooks. got more gadgets which i wont use. chefs dont need special slicers and dicers. or really cook books either. but they make nice references. anywho.
i guess were goin back over to my grandmothers tomorrow. news to me.
so. so far the holidays are decent. kinda keep my mind off of shit.
called the thomasons today and i'll be headin over there tomorrow too to say hi. told them i got big news, referring to my product line being launched. he asked "are you gettin married"... -_- no. fuck. god all this pressure now to settle down.
random fact. if i ever lay between your thighs and move my hips back and forth, kinda like a dog waggin a tail. that means im extremely happy. i dunno why i just thought about that.
im drinkin vodka. maybe it'll help me sleep.
my parents are buggin me to cook tomorrow. good grief. i feel exploited. probably the way dave chapelle feels when he's walkin down the street and everyone asks him to say "im rick james bitch". oi.
it was interesting day. my emotions are still stable and low.
went to grandmas for the grand ole christmas gathering. every year we have one of second uncles or something come dress up as santa and hand out toys to all the little kids. well most of us are grown up. but, santa couldnt show this year. so guess who played the part. meeeeeee. pictures forthcoming. not on here though. it was fun. i was told i did a good job. my brothers fiance sat on my lap. haha. so did my brother. so it was a good time. played some baseball in the front yard. got decent presents. im easy to shop for. cookbooks. got more gadgets which i wont use. chefs dont need special slicers and dicers. or really cook books either. but they make nice references. anywho.
i guess were goin back over to my grandmothers tomorrow. news to me.
so. so far the holidays are decent. kinda keep my mind off of shit.
called the thomasons today and i'll be headin over there tomorrow too to say hi. told them i got big news, referring to my product line being launched. he asked "are you gettin married"... -_- no. fuck. god all this pressure now to settle down.
random fact. if i ever lay between your thighs and move my hips back and forth, kinda like a dog waggin a tail. that means im extremely happy. i dunno why i just thought about that.
im drinkin vodka. maybe it'll help me sleep.
my parents are buggin me to cook tomorrow. good grief. i feel exploited. probably the way dave chapelle feels when he's walkin down the street and everyone asks him to say "im rick james bitch". oi.
i have four days off. then work half a day. then off six days. i dunno what im going to do with myself. i dont really feel like going anywhere. bleh.
had an expensive ass dinner tonight. if im gonna pay that much i think i need to be impressed/blown away/not be able to make whatever it is.
time for raspberry sweet tea vodka. why not.
had an expensive ass dinner tonight. if im gonna pay that much i think i need to be impressed/blown away/not be able to make whatever it is.
time for raspberry sweet tea vodka. why not.
this is how its gonna end
things are hard right now. thanks.
my brother just asked me to be his best man. great. salt in my wounds right now. feb 6th. whoopdee doo.
i could go for some candy about now.
cooking for one is bullshit.
everything is pretty much bullshit.
focus david. focus.
i think im waiting til thursday to go home.
i think im just gonna get a more expensive home. nicer. better.
the people you care about the most. have the ability to hurt you the most. life is a bitch like that.
mafia. go to sleep. david. wake the fuck up.
my brother just asked me to be his best man. great. salt in my wounds right now. feb 6th. whoopdee doo.
i could go for some candy about now.
cooking for one is bullshit.
everything is pretty much bullshit.
focus david. focus.
i think im waiting til thursday to go home.
i think im just gonna get a more expensive home. nicer. better.
the people you care about the most. have the ability to hurt you the most. life is a bitch like that.
mafia. go to sleep. david. wake the fuck up.
0 days
i have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. hope for the best. prepare for the worst. but i chose this war.
my eating has been funky since last week. those stupid work schedules fucked me up. im drinking more coffee now. havent had an actual balanced meal. but. im skinny. i think all that liquor friday night didnt help much either. or things current state.
got to free my creative mind today. i find that when things are emotionally crazy i have to make something. words. food. whatever. today was food. so i showed it. got some good reviews. i was pleased with how it came out. oh. and. found out how much my pay increase was. its fat. the biggest raise in the department actually. and im on salary. suck on that.
it is funny how one variable can change things. words and promises go out the window. everything spoken dissolved. we're full of shit. all of us.
i have presents to wrap. and bags to pack.
my eating has been funky since last week. those stupid work schedules fucked me up. im drinking more coffee now. havent had an actual balanced meal. but. im skinny. i think all that liquor friday night didnt help much either. or things current state.
got to free my creative mind today. i find that when things are emotionally crazy i have to make something. words. food. whatever. today was food. so i showed it. got some good reviews. i was pleased with how it came out. oh. and. found out how much my pay increase was. its fat. the biggest raise in the department actually. and im on salary. suck on that.
it is funny how one variable can change things. words and promises go out the window. everything spoken dissolved. we're full of shit. all of us.
i have presents to wrap. and bags to pack.
break_the_walls_down_[code-breaker]
C://userdata_files_retreive:_dashboard_myaccount**pleasewait**opening
dipping my feet in pools of you
you are my mechanical bride; phenobarbiedoll
i was a hand grenade that never stopped exploding, you were automatic
ok.
big changes. me and sara drove down to carpenteria for a getaway weekend. ended up breaking up instead. i feel bad. its one of the worst feelings to hurt someone like that. and absolutely horrible timing. but it makes it easier for me knowing that she is really better off. but ugh. it was a mess. a very very drunk mess. i urge everyone to try sweet tea vodka by the way. it is amazing. so we drove back the next morning. i stayed the night in merced. she stayed here. packed and left today. still has to come back to get a few things.
she told me i dont deserve to have the kind of love i want. i dont disagree with that. or anything else she said for that matter. but im going to try and be an overacheiver to get that.
i dont want to be in control. i want to be nervous. afraid. and overwhelmed. taken out of my comfort zone. and that sounds like a horrible thing. but its really not. its a beautiful thing.
shouldnt be too much going on at work this week. got some samples to make. half the crew is gonna be gone. so it'll be quiet. i'll probably be on the phone a bit. preparing for the new year. preparing for launch.
its quiet around here. but being alone is something i think i need to be more ok with.
k. i got clothes to iron. and things to move around.
i was a hand grenade that never stopped exploding, you were automatic
ok.
big changes. me and sara drove down to carpenteria for a getaway weekend. ended up breaking up instead. i feel bad. its one of the worst feelings to hurt someone like that. and absolutely horrible timing. but it makes it easier for me knowing that she is really better off. but ugh. it was a mess. a very very drunk mess. i urge everyone to try sweet tea vodka by the way. it is amazing. so we drove back the next morning. i stayed the night in merced. she stayed here. packed and left today. still has to come back to get a few things.
she told me i dont deserve to have the kind of love i want. i dont disagree with that. or anything else she said for that matter. but im going to try and be an overacheiver to get that.
i dont want to be in control. i want to be nervous. afraid. and overwhelmed. taken out of my comfort zone. and that sounds like a horrible thing. but its really not. its a beautiful thing.
shouldnt be too much going on at work this week. got some samples to make. half the crew is gonna be gone. so it'll be quiet. i'll probably be on the phone a bit. preparing for the new year. preparing for launch.
its quiet around here. but being alone is something i think i need to be more ok with.
k. i got clothes to iron. and things to move around.
David,exciting stuff
bret hart is comin back to wrestling. my favorite wrestler ever. well. tied with stone cold. how lame i come on here and write about wrestling.
not much goin on at work. tryin to get stuff brought in for my plant trial of my product. i get to come in late tomorrow. which reminds me. i just double booked myself. im supposed to be volunteering at 9. fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. well that sucks. it'll work out.
went to the mall tonight. good times.
tomorrow i leave to santa barbara. the goal of the trip. find presents. or something. relax maybe. i dunno.
things are on edge. very much.
not much goin on at work. tryin to get stuff brought in for my plant trial of my product. i get to come in late tomorrow. which reminds me. i just double booked myself. im supposed to be volunteering at 9. fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. well that sucks. it'll work out.
went to the mall tonight. good times.
tomorrow i leave to santa barbara. the goal of the trip. find presents. or something. relax maybe. i dunno.
things are on edge. very much.
i dont know when to quit
of all the houses i've looked at. bid on. etc. this one that i fell in love with came back on the market yesterday. im going to bid like twenty thousand over asking and get this shit. we'll see.
getting ready for work.
my ass fell right asleep last night. no surprise there.
i could go for a surprise.
show me who ya used to be. somebody that could fuckin impress me.
getting ready for work.
my ass fell right asleep last night. no surprise there.
i could go for a surprise.
show me who ya used to be. somebody that could fuckin impress me.
i tried to go to bed last night at seven. that shit did not work. fell asleep at 10 or a lil after. got maybe two hours of sleep. surprisingly i feel ok though. tomorrow will be wretched though. 2 am to noon. oi. but. work was pretty bad ass today. my lab test went well. so early january i'll be running a full blown plant trial on my product. showed the product to the rest of the execs that needed to see it. good reviews. im gold right now. i'm kickin ass there right now. i feel good. theres talk of me and another guy going to texas for a few days at the end of january. i can see it happening. nothing exciting though.
gotta make reservations tomorrow. i guess were goin down to the santa barbara area this weekend. should be pretty.
ambers comin over on thursday. haven't seen her in a while. gonna finish christmas shopping and get dinner. well i suppose i could do that (shop) this weekend too huh. hmmm.
what else. thats about it. i feel better than i did yesterday. i dont know whats comin down the road. but i'll be ready.
gotta make reservations tomorrow. i guess were goin down to the santa barbara area this weekend. should be pretty.
ambers comin over on thursday. haven't seen her in a while. gonna finish christmas shopping and get dinner. well i suppose i could do that (shop) this weekend too huh. hmmm.
what else. thats about it. i feel better than i did yesterday. i dont know whats comin down the road. but i'll be ready.
5@\/3 /\/\E
sharks. t-rexs. special creatures. butterflies. monsters. fuck.
what i want, cannot be bought by any amount of money. my soul was screaming at me today. more than i've ever felt before. its hard to explain. a constant anxious feeling. i feel like a drug addict thats coming clean. i dont think im living through passion. i dont think i have any at the moment. none. i need to be woken up. i need a feast. a night that is horrificly beautiful. that is intense. painful. and feels exothermic. someplace that i cannot find alone. i want to feel afraid and confident. i want to feel satisfied. quenched. i dont care if its honest. i just want to feel it. so tell me. how is this acheived? because its starting to kill me.
they pretty much announced today my product is being launched. i havent finished formulating. showing again tomorrow. tomorrow is going to be hell. gettin in at 2am. not leaving til 3pm. and then gotta be back at 2am on wednesday. fuck. im not scheduling these tests like this again.
the plan is to go somewhere this weekend. sacramento. santa barbara. napa. san fransisco. i really dont know. shrugs.
what i want, cannot be bought by any amount of money. my soul was screaming at me today. more than i've ever felt before. its hard to explain. a constant anxious feeling. i feel like a drug addict thats coming clean. i dont think im living through passion. i dont think i have any at the moment. none. i need to be woken up. i need a feast. a night that is horrificly beautiful. that is intense. painful. and feels exothermic. someplace that i cannot find alone. i want to feel afraid and confident. i want to feel satisfied. quenched. i dont care if its honest. i just want to feel it. so tell me. how is this acheived? because its starting to kill me.
they pretty much announced today my product is being launched. i havent finished formulating. showing again tomorrow. tomorrow is going to be hell. gettin in at 2am. not leaving til 3pm. and then gotta be back at 2am on wednesday. fuck. im not scheduling these tests like this again.
the plan is to go somewhere this weekend. sacramento. santa barbara. napa. san fransisco. i really dont know. shrugs.
Monday, July 07, 2008
love letters
you wash your hands like they've never been soiled....it was quite humbling i must say... to be made out to feel so small... like i wasn't good enough... what i had to offer didnt add up to shit...
but just like they say... you reap what you sow...
i find it hard to believe i felt as much for a person that has the lack of depth you so blindly hold.... you live your life with a false sense of entitlement and lack of passion... getting by with your pretty face... going through everyday you live just like you fuck, without heart.... acting like the rain never falls down on your head.... but when it all comes back around and the water starts pourin down... i bet you'll be naive enough to wonder why your make up is running.
II
II
uh ohi think i might have
yeah
yeah i did
this is round two
all the respectable people,
you might wanna leave the room
or you can just plug your ears
if you fear
i might say somethin
you dont wanna hear
cuz when i get to hittin
all the lyrics
that ive written
i wont be quittin
until ive offended
almost all the women
and when the song is over
ill head down to the bar
buy some drinks
and pound them hard
then in an hour or two
when the booze have started
to effectively spin the room
ill find a lil groupie
who thought i was real real cute
tell her i'll let her drive me home
and she can stay over too
lie to her ass
tell her we'll spoon
of course all guys know
spoon is code for bone
i got the hidden camera set up
she'll never know
put that shit on the internet
show it all my friends
point at my own ass
and say thats how you do it
boys take notes
i can teach ya stuff
you've never been shown
and when the morning comes
and im finally done
ill give her boot
n sweetly say
that was kinda fun
but you should be on your way
dont bother callin
im havin my number changed
thanks but no thanks
and thats how this one ends
now go check the internet
to make sure this wasn't pretend
www dot
your girl is in my bed
im sorry son
i just thought you should know
she wasn't at her friends
i know thats what she said
but shes over your shit
the
end
fracture (these things)
i worked out in a few days. so im gonna hit the weights pretty good here shortly. before tiffany comes over.
monday and tuesday are gonna decide if my product gets launched. i'm optimistic though because its a good product. and it beats whats out there now. but im biased too. everyone else seems to agree so far tho.
things are a lil broken in the home. im neglectful. most of the time. which isn't a good thing. why. i dont know. when did my blood start running cold? because this wasnt always the case. let me tell you. i can see a crossroads coming down the path soon. you either warm up. or get left in the cold.
have battlescars that you cannot see
but you can hear them
in my voice
feel them
in my touch
that drag me down
all too much
monday and tuesday are gonna decide if my product gets launched. i'm optimistic though because its a good product. and it beats whats out there now. but im biased too. everyone else seems to agree so far tho.
things are a lil broken in the home. im neglectful. most of the time. which isn't a good thing. why. i dont know. when did my blood start running cold? because this wasnt always the case. let me tell you. i can see a crossroads coming down the path soon. you either warm up. or get left in the cold.
have battlescars that you cannot see
but you can hear them
in my voice
feel them
in my touch
that drag me down
all too much
so im not sure this week at work is gonna go. gotta meeting sometime to discuss my 3-5 year plan.
i got some testing i need to do. maybe i'll get stuff in to do a lil development. we'll see.
my chia head is really growing. except for the top.
do i really want a cat?
probably won't be able to sleep tonight.
so glad i caught myself from gettin scammed.
i got some testing i need to do. maybe i'll get stuff in to do a lil development. we'll see.
my chia head is really growing. except for the top.
do i really want a cat?
probably won't be able to sleep tonight.
so glad i caught myself from gettin scammed.
thanks
i'm pretty thankful... kinda? can you be thankful wanting more? yes. ok. my job. duh. that i have a core group of people that give a shit about me. every day is a gift. though i dont act like it sometimes. i need to get back to that. love each day mentality. no sleep. no rest for the wicked. as they say.
maybe if you could trust
something would happen with us
IV in vein
why are girls so territorial. i wont sleep on that bed. i wont sit on that couch. i wont go in that apartment. boys arent like that. hm?
if the right one will come, will i know it?
sharks. monsters. special creatures.
i'm hangin out with my best friend tomorrow. yay.
what if you took the cream cheese filling from a pumpkin roll. and put it under pumpkin pie filling. how freaking good would that be? amazing i bet.
"i love this r&d team"... why... because i do my best thinking in the car...
i barely write poetry anymore. hmmm.
F.M.L.
maybe if you could trust
something would happen with us
IV in vein
why are girls so territorial. i wont sleep on that bed. i wont sit on that couch. i wont go in that apartment. boys arent like that. hm?
if the right one will come, will i know it?
sharks. monsters. special creatures.
i'm hangin out with my best friend tomorrow. yay.
what if you took the cream cheese filling from a pumpkin roll. and put it under pumpkin pie filling. how freaking good would that be? amazing i bet.
"i love this r&d team"... why... because i do my best thinking in the car...
i barely write poetry anymore. hmmm.
F.M.L.
back to my roots
pretty good day.
got my windows tinted. car looks PIMP. sexy. ha.
gotta get my oil changed tomorrow.
makin chocolates tonight. i still got it. theyre not quite done yet. but lookin good i think. memories memories.
ive kind of changed my eating habits a bit. cuttin out a lot of sugar. a lot of fat. its goin well so far. im happy for that.
thats about all.
got my windows tinted. car looks PIMP. sexy. ha.
gotta get my oil changed tomorrow.
makin chocolates tonight. i still got it. theyre not quite done yet. but lookin good i think. memories memories.
ive kind of changed my eating habits a bit. cuttin out a lot of sugar. a lot of fat. its goin well so far. im happy for that.
thats about all.
II
uh oh
i think i might have
yeah
yeah i did
this is round two
all the respectable people,
you might wanna leave the room
or you can just plug your ears
if you fear
i might say somethin
you dont wanna hear
cuz when i get to hittin
all the lyrics
that ive written
i wont be quittin
until ive offended
almost all the women
and when the song is over
ill head down to the bar
buy some drinks
and pound them hard
then in an hour or two
when the booze have started
to effectively spin the room
ill find a lil groupie
who thought i was real real cute
tell her i'll let her drive me home
and she can stay over too
lie to her ass
tell her we'll spoon
of course all guys know
spoon is code for bone
i got the hidden camera set up
she'll never know
put that shit on the internet
show it all my friends
point at my own ass
and say thats how you do it
boys take notes
i can teach ya stuff
you've never been shown
and when the morning comes
and im finally done
ill give her boot
n sweetly say
that was kinda fun
but you should be on your way
dont bother callin
im havin my number changed
thanks but no thanks
and thats how this one ends
now go check the internet
to make sure this wasn't pretend
www dot
your girl is in my bed
im sorry son
i just thought you should know
she wasn't at her friends
i know thats what she said
but shes over your shit
the
end
i think i might have
yeah
yeah i did
this is round two
all the respectable people,
you might wanna leave the room
or you can just plug your ears
if you fear
i might say somethin
you dont wanna hear
cuz when i get to hittin
all the lyrics
that ive written
i wont be quittin
until ive offended
almost all the women
and when the song is over
ill head down to the bar
buy some drinks
and pound them hard
then in an hour or two
when the booze have started
to effectively spin the room
ill find a lil groupie
who thought i was real real cute
tell her i'll let her drive me home
and she can stay over too
lie to her ass
tell her we'll spoon
of course all guys know
spoon is code for bone
i got the hidden camera set up
she'll never know
put that shit on the internet
show it all my friends
point at my own ass
and say thats how you do it
boys take notes
i can teach ya stuff
you've never been shown
and when the morning comes
and im finally done
ill give her boot
n sweetly say
that was kinda fun
but you should be on your way
dont bother callin
im havin my number changed
thanks but no thanks
and thats how this one ends
now go check the internet
to make sure this wasn't pretend
www dot
your girl is in my bed
im sorry son
i just thought you should know
she wasn't at her friends
i know thats what she said
but shes over your shit
the
end
white ponies and rusted horses
she opened the door... put her fingers up to her lips... and said, "shhhh"... on the phone, with him... i wasn't supposed to be around... yet, there i was... as she hung up she started crying... "its over"...
i asked why... with one hand covering her teary eyes the other pointed at me and she said... "you"...
i feel good about things.. next week should be productive at work... and im going home... i get to see the extended family... its been a while... and my friends... i have two separate lives... there... and here... i dont know why it is that way... i've tried to make connections here... but they've been half hearted.... look at my top friends... sheesh... its not that im not myself here or anything... i dunno... im just rambling...
eat the weak.
i asked why... with one hand covering her teary eyes the other pointed at me and she said... "you"...
i feel good about things.. next week should be productive at work... and im going home... i get to see the extended family... its been a while... and my friends... i have two separate lives... there... and here... i dont know why it is that way... i've tried to make connections here... but they've been half hearted.... look at my top friends... sheesh... its not that im not myself here or anything... i dunno... im just rambling...
eat the weak.
thirsty thursday
i've tasted hell... it taste just like you...
usually by this time of the week im pretty tired... only thing i am today is pretty sore... and pretty bored...
short week next week. exciting.
i hate waiting for packages to come in from vendors. shit. you want my business. get yo ass movin. right?
damnit to hell when i forget good rhymes.
stay away...... ..... .... is a good song
you got some stuff on your shoulder. you need to dust yo self off. ya pimp...... he said.
usually by this time of the week im pretty tired... only thing i am today is pretty sore... and pretty bored...
short week next week. exciting.
i hate waiting for packages to come in from vendors. shit. you want my business. get yo ass movin. right?
damnit to hell when i forget good rhymes.
stay away...... ..... .... is a good song
you got some stuff on your shoulder. you need to dust yo self off. ya pimp...... he said.
boy was i wrong lol
"give me by the end of the year. everything will be complete. and ill be the happiest motherfucker on the planet. so let it be written. so let it be done."
what if there was a better feel
so semi productive day.
came home. worked out. im tired. and not at as strong as i was three weeks ago. i got some ground to make up. but i feel better.
went out to dinner. but i was full.
and im so tired im gonna go to bed early. and that was my day.
came home. worked out. im tired. and not at as strong as i was three weeks ago. i got some ground to make up. but i feel better.
went out to dinner. but i was full.
and im so tired im gonna go to bed early. and that was my day.
race cars and rim jobs
so im not too tired after my long day. got up at 4. went in at 6. did the job this morning as well as could be done. i gave some advice. it wasn't adhered to. and it would have worked well if it was. but oh well. went out to breakfast/lunch. learned of the "ojo". came back. did a couple chores. im having vendors call me and want to set up meetings, needing things, me needing things. its neat. anyway. went back to visalia. had a couple drinks at the cocktail reception. not too many because im trying to move up and NOT make an ass of myself. some people dont get that. but thats why theyre where they are. and im not. but anyway. got my bonus check. watched some cool videos. had an ok dinner with ok wine. and that was my day.
getting my windows tinted this weekend. maybe go play some golf. i dunno.
hey. check out the new sponsor of the stewart-haas nascar car. its pretty sweeeeet.
getting my windows tinted this weekend. maybe go play some golf. i dunno.
hey. check out the new sponsor of the stewart-haas nascar car. its pretty sweeeeet.
fear and self loathing in clovis
i forgot to mention. my mom thought it would be funny to give me a viagra for my birthday. jokes on her. im gonna use that shit.
took care of some mini shopping today. bought some bomby cologne.
also decided i need to start working out again. i just felt better about myself when i was. even if it didnt make a huge difference. apparently it was noticeable. so. all over again. here we go.
took care of some mini shopping today. bought some bomby cologne.
also decided i need to start working out again. i just felt better about myself when i was. even if it didnt make a huge difference. apparently it was noticeable. so. all over again. here we go.
if u could have a perfect day. exactly the way you want it. what would it be? do you even know? cuz i dont. well. i dunno. maybe. not really.
bday day two. my actual birthday. was good times. low key. kind of like the first. which is what i truly enjoy. mini golf. mini margaritas. i think pretty much everybody that matters said happy birthday. in one way. or another.
i really wonder what makes me happy anymore. cuz given the life i have. i should be amazed.
im gonna have quite a bit of extra money this month or so. bonus. sara is payin rent. 3 checks in december. and another check i may or may not cash. which could add up to quite a bit. aint nothin wrong with that.
what else. got a couple decent sized projects to work on at work. it takes forever tho to get things done. gotta wait for approvals. wait for people to ship you stuff. but. im happy doing what i do. cuz its exactly what i want. makes me never wanna leave. infact. if i didnt have to live in fresno i may not. but. i hate it here. i want ocean. i want cool weather. i want a better life than the what this valley has to give me. ive seen better things. better places. and i want them.
i want better everything.
bday day two. my actual birthday. was good times. low key. kind of like the first. which is what i truly enjoy. mini golf. mini margaritas. i think pretty much everybody that matters said happy birthday. in one way. or another.
i really wonder what makes me happy anymore. cuz given the life i have. i should be amazed.
im gonna have quite a bit of extra money this month or so. bonus. sara is payin rent. 3 checks in december. and another check i may or may not cash. which could add up to quite a bit. aint nothin wrong with that.
what else. got a couple decent sized projects to work on at work. it takes forever tho to get things done. gotta wait for approvals. wait for people to ship you stuff. but. im happy doing what i do. cuz its exactly what i want. makes me never wanna leave. infact. if i didnt have to live in fresno i may not. but. i hate it here. i want ocean. i want cool weather. i want a better life than the what this valley has to give me. ive seen better things. better places. and i want them.
i want better everything.
shiny toy guns
birthday fun. birthday drunk.
so everyone showed. and then some. wait. ill get to that. went to the pool hall. played a round. had a round. and decided i needed some tunes. some douche got in front of me and put on some shit music. then i picked out mine. its important that when picking out music the first five seconds of the first song hits people in the mouth. hello deftones. when girls telephone boys. the second it started playing the cocksucker who was before me put up his hands and shook his said. saying i didnt pick this out. it was quite funny. heavy and loving it. anyway. i drank beer. played off and on good pool. someone brought her "beau" and his friend too. and they both looked homeless. i think they tried to be nice. telling me happy birthday and stuff. but i was a prick. alpha male status. to the point where they got their own pool table. oh well. i had a good time. which was the point.
walked out on the pier. smelled the ocean. saw waves upon waves. always beautiful.
had in n out. delicous.
on the drive home was wondering if anyone would text me at 12:00. cuz then its official. and of course someone did. thank you.
you're more than in my head.
so everyone showed. and then some. wait. ill get to that. went to the pool hall. played a round. had a round. and decided i needed some tunes. some douche got in front of me and put on some shit music. then i picked out mine. its important that when picking out music the first five seconds of the first song hits people in the mouth. hello deftones. when girls telephone boys. the second it started playing the cocksucker who was before me put up his hands and shook his said. saying i didnt pick this out. it was quite funny. heavy and loving it. anyway. i drank beer. played off and on good pool. someone brought her "beau" and his friend too. and they both looked homeless. i think they tried to be nice. telling me happy birthday and stuff. but i was a prick. alpha male status. to the point where they got their own pool table. oh well. i had a good time. which was the point.
walked out on the pier. smelled the ocean. saw waves upon waves. always beautiful.
had in n out. delicous.
on the drive home was wondering if anyone would text me at 12:00. cuz then its official. and of course someone did. thank you.
you're more than in my head.
untouchable
im not sure who's showin up tonight. probably some people i didnt invite. my brother is engaged. im envious. but. i want something untouchable. not an ordinary love. as they say.
... on the drive back we stopped off for some soda... before i stepped outta the car i gave her a quick kiss on the lips... of course i had already done so about thirty some odd times the last couple hours... i just... couldn't get over the sensation i felt each time.. it was surreal... i leaned back to get out of the car and continue on my journey to quench our thirst... and she said, "give me another one"... i stopped... smiled... and leaned back in...
i will never belong to you, again
oi vaaaaaaaaaaay.
got cocoa butter in today. now i can make chocolates. which i havent really done in.... oh a year and a half?
had some bomby food from peru and brazil today. aaaaand i got a nice lil bottle of peruvian alcohol. very rare stuff. its only made there and they only export 1% of it. tastes like tequila :P
got my stuff packed for this weekend. it is NOT gonna be a sober weekend. oh fuck no. lets see who actually shows up for my get togethers.
im full of tokyo steak house.
after 15 years of wanting one i finally got a chia pet. well a chia head. oh i should give him a mohawk!
i miss my shithead friend. and i hate saying that. cuz i really shouldn't. should i? but when you have voids, you plug them in with alternative resources, alternative vendors, alternative outlets. and im usually pretty good about that kind of stuff.
top chef tonight.
i have a pretty goddamn dirty mouth, apparently. rolls eyes.
tomorrow is my friday. gotta be to work earrrrrrrrly on monday. like 6am i think. im in charge. of course i should be anyway.
and thats about all i gotta say. but that might change shortly.
got cocoa butter in today. now i can make chocolates. which i havent really done in.... oh a year and a half?
had some bomby food from peru and brazil today. aaaaand i got a nice lil bottle of peruvian alcohol. very rare stuff. its only made there and they only export 1% of it. tastes like tequila :P
got my stuff packed for this weekend. it is NOT gonna be a sober weekend. oh fuck no. lets see who actually shows up for my get togethers.
im full of tokyo steak house.
after 15 years of wanting one i finally got a chia pet. well a chia head. oh i should give him a mohawk!
i miss my shithead friend. and i hate saying that. cuz i really shouldn't. should i? but when you have voids, you plug them in with alternative resources, alternative vendors, alternative outlets. and im usually pretty good about that kind of stuff.
top chef tonight.
i have a pretty goddamn dirty mouth, apparently. rolls eyes.
tomorrow is my friday. gotta be to work earrrrrrrrly on monday. like 6am i think. im in charge. of course i should be anyway.
and thats about all i gotta say. but that might change shortly.
follow the yellow brick road to hell
got my stuff booked for kansas. canada soon.
got taken out to lunch. it's a beautiful thing.
i also had to write a self evaluation. blah.
came home. went out and had some beers. got a good buzz goin.
and now i'm tired.
livin the dream?
no.
livin?
i think so.
check my pulse.
got taken out to lunch. it's a beautiful thing.
i also had to write a self evaluation. blah.
came home. went out and had some beers. got a good buzz goin.
and now i'm tired.
livin the dream?
no.
livin?
i think so.
check my pulse.
i understand and wish to continue
i HATE it when im babied. absolutely hate it. let me fly. geeze.
met with a new agent today. pretty much told me the same thing my last guy did. i cant make houses come on the market. unless i kill someone and wait for the house to foreclose. but i dont have that kind of time. or do i?
good football game.
thats about it. boring boring. same same.
met with a new agent today. pretty much told me the same thing my last guy did. i cant make houses come on the market. unless i kill someone and wait for the house to foreclose. but i dont have that kind of time. or do i?
good football game.
thats about it. boring boring. same same.
had an ok trip back home. wasn't spectacular.
went grocery shopping today. wasn't spectacular.
looking forward to my birthday weekend though. i try not to get too excited for holidays or things of that nature cuz i usually get let down. but. its not where you go. its who youre with. remember that because its true.
dj hero. guitar hero. rock band. i pee on those games.
not sure how this week at work is gonna be. my energy item is on the back burner. ugh.
gotta look into gettin my passport.
nothing amazing at the moment.
went grocery shopping today. wasn't spectacular.
looking forward to my birthday weekend though. i try not to get too excited for holidays or things of that nature cuz i usually get let down. but. its not where you go. its who youre with. remember that because its true.
dj hero. guitar hero. rock band. i pee on those games.
not sure how this week at work is gonna be. my energy item is on the back burner. ugh.
gotta look into gettin my passport.
nothing amazing at the moment.
aaaaaaaaaaand my rap
huh
yeah
this is my rap
hold on
let me think of
how to make this start
alright
here we go
punchin my keyboard
like a loud mouth whore
this is me
wantin more
gettin drunk on V
but this shit
just aint hittin me
maybe i
can shoot it into my veins
maybe then
it might
hit my brain
maybe i
could make some mistakes
if you dont
hit the brakes
and maybe then
our life would be made
why the fuck did you invite me here
this party is lame
all the girls here
should be locked back in their cage
this shit is like a zoo
i even had to pay
dont feed the animals
just stay outta their way
after about an hour
i stopped in my tracks
found a beauty in the beasts
and baby had back
but she was with some guy
i thought to myself
fuck it
im gonna say hi
he said whoa son
your talkin to my girl
i told him no
yours is over there
the one that escaped from sea world
and then i asked this girl
what do you see in him
im a technologist
hes just a technician
he'll just take you places
that you've already been
look doll
this isnt a place you want to stay
lets go back to my place
ill fix you a drink
while you add me on myspace
i got
satin sheets
shag carpeting
and once your over
you might not wanna leave
quite honestly
that'd be ok with me
so that is the end of this story
im sorry if it was kind of boring
but i left with the best looking girl of the party
and i dont really know
quite how to finish this
soooo
fuck it
yeah
this is my rap
hold on
let me think of
how to make this start
alright
here we go
punchin my keyboard
like a loud mouth whore
this is me
wantin more
gettin drunk on V
but this shit
just aint hittin me
maybe i
can shoot it into my veins
maybe then
it might
hit my brain
maybe i
could make some mistakes
if you dont
hit the brakes
and maybe then
our life would be made
why the fuck did you invite me here
this party is lame
all the girls here
should be locked back in their cage
this shit is like a zoo
i even had to pay
dont feed the animals
just stay outta their way
after about an hour
i stopped in my tracks
found a beauty in the beasts
and baby had back
but she was with some guy
i thought to myself
fuck it
im gonna say hi
he said whoa son
your talkin to my girl
i told him no
yours is over there
the one that escaped from sea world
and then i asked this girl
what do you see in him
im a technologist
hes just a technician
he'll just take you places
that you've already been
look doll
this isnt a place you want to stay
lets go back to my place
ill fix you a drink
while you add me on myspace
i got
satin sheets
shag carpeting
and once your over
you might not wanna leave
quite honestly
that'd be ok with me
so that is the end of this story
im sorry if it was kind of boring
but i left with the best looking girl of the party
and i dont really know
quite how to finish this
soooo
fuck it
if it tastes good, eat it
it was a day to be remembered, or maybe forgotten...
i picked up her up early in the AM... she stepped into the car... "i told him i was going out of town with my mom"... we're in the clear...
we were cordial... nothing new... i don't remember what she was wearing... or how she smelled... but.. whatever it was... it was good... we spoke of this and that.... her and him... what we wanted... light and heavy...
we stopped off at some mom & pop place for breakfast... we enjoyed the food, and each other... on the way out i opened her door.. "i like this, but not all the time. he opens all my doors and pulls out all my chairs; makes me feel like i cant do anything for myself"... i replied "well this is the only time I'm doing this for you today so it's no big deal".... and there we were....
i drove off... our destination awaiting.. she said "if anything happens today, it doesn't mean anything".... i wondered, ok, what the fuck does that mean.... i didn't care... i wasn't looking to be burdened down... i had yet to be tamed...
rendezvous... we arrive at the point of my adventure... the ocean.. lover's cliff... funny thing... everyone there was dressed in tuxedos and dresses... there was a wedding taking place.. i proposed we sit down and watch... we did... close enough to view the expression on the happy couples faces... and yes, they were happy... some lovers you can just tell... how intense... how deep... how real... that what they feel, is forever....
it was windy and cold... i could see the goosebumps on her arms... i put my arm around her and rubbed her to a mild temperature... i think my insides turned temperature as well...
we changed scenery... went to a different shore... a little more... secluded... rolled out a blanket on which we layed... talked... whatever... the first kiss is always the most important... so you have to make that one count... and i did...
..."you have no idea how long i've been waiting for that".... and at that very point... my blood turned warm... and red... i was whole... how unexpected... i felt... tamed... instaneously... it was hard to explain...
we layed on the beach for... two.. three... maybe four hours... my hands everywhere... her hands everywhere... who cares who saw anything... how intense... it was cold and windy.. sand in my hair... sand on her cheek, which i cleaned away... and just as quickly as it began... it ended... time to go....
"this doesn't mean anything", she spoke....
and she meant it....
how could ones cold blood, suddenly run warm... and it not mean anything?...
i picked up her up early in the AM... she stepped into the car... "i told him i was going out of town with my mom"... we're in the clear...
we were cordial... nothing new... i don't remember what she was wearing... or how she smelled... but.. whatever it was... it was good... we spoke of this and that.... her and him... what we wanted... light and heavy...
we stopped off at some mom & pop place for breakfast... we enjoyed the food, and each other... on the way out i opened her door.. "i like this, but not all the time. he opens all my doors and pulls out all my chairs; makes me feel like i cant do anything for myself"... i replied "well this is the only time I'm doing this for you today so it's no big deal".... and there we were....
i drove off... our destination awaiting.. she said "if anything happens today, it doesn't mean anything".... i wondered, ok, what the fuck does that mean.... i didn't care... i wasn't looking to be burdened down... i had yet to be tamed...
rendezvous... we arrive at the point of my adventure... the ocean.. lover's cliff... funny thing... everyone there was dressed in tuxedos and dresses... there was a wedding taking place.. i proposed we sit down and watch... we did... close enough to view the expression on the happy couples faces... and yes, they were happy... some lovers you can just tell... how intense... how deep... how real... that what they feel, is forever....
it was windy and cold... i could see the goosebumps on her arms... i put my arm around her and rubbed her to a mild temperature... i think my insides turned temperature as well...
we changed scenery... went to a different shore... a little more... secluded... rolled out a blanket on which we layed... talked... whatever... the first kiss is always the most important... so you have to make that one count... and i did...
..."you have no idea how long i've been waiting for that".... and at that very point... my blood turned warm... and red... i was whole... how unexpected... i felt... tamed... instaneously... it was hard to explain...
we layed on the beach for... two.. three... maybe four hours... my hands everywhere... her hands everywhere... who cares who saw anything... how intense... it was cold and windy.. sand in my hair... sand on her cheek, which i cleaned away... and just as quickly as it began... it ended... time to go....
"this doesn't mean anything", she spoke....
and she meant it....
how could ones cold blood, suddenly run warm... and it not mean anything?...
it's all true
sometimes rumors are true. this just in. im going to canada in march. im getting my tickets on monday. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand in february im going to kansas for a week. how ya like that shit. life is sweet. all payed for. i love my job.
had a nice time tonight. in slo. at the beach. have no idea what the plan is tomorrow.
and thats about all i really got to say.
had a nice time tonight. in slo. at the beach. have no idea what the plan is tomorrow.
and thats about all i really got to say.
im packed. im ready to go.
i really feel like a drink. but. no.
nothing new. nothing exciting.
oh. but. rumor has it im trying to go to canada in march. for a food science workshop. and get the company to pay for it. and hopefully in three years be certified as a culinary scientist. but. those are just rumors.
i really feel like a drink. but. no.
nothing new. nothing exciting.
oh. but. rumor has it im trying to go to canada in march. for a food science workshop. and get the company to pay for it. and hopefully in three years be certified as a culinary scientist. but. those are just rumors.
rumor has it
...I was living the lawless life of an ambitious bohemian, always on the hunt for something fresh, something exciting, that "New Car Smell". I wasn't committing moral abomination. I was simply obeying my fundamental instincts, "when you are hungry, you eat"...
soooo i just wrote a nice blog... and my internet fucked up and its all gone now... son of a bitch...
i cant get her scent off of me...
r&d advice... dont try to do your own nutritionals without using a program... youll be waaaay off...
my evening life has been quite uneventful... im boring...
im sorry.. im scrawny...
my rap is gettin close to bein complete... yes im still workin on it here and there... its hard for me to write about that crap that they do...
if a tree falls... and no one is around to hear it... does it make a sound?
if you share an intense moment with someone... but you couldnt feel it... does it really count?
haircut tomorrow...
i cant get her scent off of me...
r&d advice... dont try to do your own nutritionals without using a program... youll be waaaay off...
my evening life has been quite uneventful... im boring...
im sorry.. im scrawny...
my rap is gettin close to bein complete... yes im still workin on it here and there... its hard for me to write about that crap that they do...
if a tree falls... and no one is around to hear it... does it make a sound?
if you share an intense moment with someone... but you couldnt feel it... does it really count?
haircut tomorrow...
the high end of low
here we are.
you know, sometimes. i hide stuff in my blogs. between paragraphs. in spaces. everywhere. i make them in the same color as the background. so you have to highlight it to see it. subtle right?
i think its funny. when you create phrases and use them so often. that when you try to use those words in regular usage. people misunderstand you.
and thats about it.
you know, sometimes. i hide stuff in my blogs. between paragraphs. in spaces. everywhere. i make them in the same color as the background. so you have to highlight it to see it. subtle right?
i think its funny. when you create phrases and use them so often. that when you try to use those words in regular usage. people misunderstand you.
and thats about it.
the sand reminds me of a place
i love to
hate to
go
why did i take you there?
why did you take it there?
stop
im not doing this
again
holding my breath for you to
say when
hands of steel
and times of need
put your hand in my chest
squeeze
resuscitate
me
10 oz to emotional freedom
10 to drown you out
10 more im drowning in you again
i thought i knew what this was about
sand takes me to a place
i tried so hard
to fucking escape
hate to
love to
leave you
breathe in
lean in
tease him
i love to
hate to
go
why did i take you there?
why did you take it there?
stop
im not doing this
again
holding my breath for you to
say when
hands of steel
and times of need
put your hand in my chest
squeeze
resuscitate
me
10 oz to emotional freedom
10 to drown you out
10 more im drowning in you again
i thought i knew what this was about
sand takes me to a place
i tried so hard
to fucking escape
hate to
love to
leave you
breathe in
lean in
tease him
empty soul of a machine
strike that. go back. i might be eating three hundred fifty dollars but whatever. looks like this eight thousand dollar house thing is gonna get extended for another six months. so i got time to go after a house some more. which i wouldnt have given those other apartments three hundred fifty dollars to hold a place for me. so i guess im kinda fucked on that one. buuuut i failed the first time at this shit. now im gonna go back and try again. sooner or later i get i what i go after.... kind of.
truth. i havent been extremely happy in quite a while. also truth. i havent been extremely sad either. i feel like my emotions are as flat as a corpse's heart rate. and i hate it. i fucking hate it. i've had absolutely no passion within me. i need something. to either bring me up higher than ive ever been before. or to knock me on my ass. i dont really care at this point. but im uninspired. unimpressed. and discontent. what can i do about it. maybe someone is sleepin me prozac in my coffee and i dont know about it.
had a decent time at knotts scary farm. watching people get the shit scared outta them is very funny. i think i jumped a couple times. oh the food cost there is ridiculous. i thought disneyland and six flags bad was bad. shiiiiiiiiiiit. my ass is gonna take satiety suckers next time i go to one of these fuckers. highway robbery. but anyway.
not sure whats gonna be goin on at work this week. im goin home for the weekend.
still dont know what im doing for my birthday. oh well. it is what it is. (see thats the kind of shit im talking about)
i need to go shave.
truth. i havent been extremely happy in quite a while. also truth. i havent been extremely sad either. i feel like my emotions are as flat as a corpse's heart rate. and i hate it. i fucking hate it. i've had absolutely no passion within me. i need something. to either bring me up higher than ive ever been before. or to knock me on my ass. i dont really care at this point. but im uninspired. unimpressed. and discontent. what can i do about it. maybe someone is sleepin me prozac in my coffee and i dont know about it.
had a decent time at knotts scary farm. watching people get the shit scared outta them is very funny. i think i jumped a couple times. oh the food cost there is ridiculous. i thought disneyland and six flags bad was bad. shiiiiiiiiiiit. my ass is gonna take satiety suckers next time i go to one of these fuckers. highway robbery. but anyway.
not sure whats gonna be goin on at work this week. im goin home for the weekend.
still dont know what im doing for my birthday. oh well. it is what it is. (see thats the kind of shit im talking about)
i need to go shave.
better things?
i'll start by saying, im not gonna explain things in here. im tired of saying "they're just lyrics" or "its nothing". thats all it ever is. and thats it. we're too far along to be doing this... still.
got to do new things at work today. i saved the company money. not all that much. but i did. good for me.
independent movies are a gamble. but so are regular ones for that matter. i dont think you'll get utter crap in the theatre. but you may get it with a IFC movie. i dunno.
there was a lot i wanted to say all day today. but now im tired. maybe i just need another drink.
the orphan is a fucked up movie. but its kept me on this couch and paying attention none the less.
knotts scary farm tomorrow. skeet skeet.
i want to be overcome.
got to do new things at work today. i saved the company money. not all that much. but i did. good for me.
independent movies are a gamble. but so are regular ones for that matter. i dont think you'll get utter crap in the theatre. but you may get it with a IFC movie. i dunno.
there was a lot i wanted to say all day today. but now im tired. maybe i just need another drink.
the orphan is a fucked up movie. but its kept me on this couch and paying attention none the less.
knotts scary farm tomorrow. skeet skeet.
i want to be overcome.
cant wait for this week to be over.
feel like getting drunk. but i gotta work tomorrow.
everyone's upset
i wanted to breathe the fumes
everyone got blazed
i still love you
i was ready to go to texas a long time ago. i guess as long as everyone else thinks so.
hungry, mad, out for blood
tomorrow is casual friday
emoriffic
feel like getting drunk. but i gotta work tomorrow.
everyone's upset
i wanted to breathe the fumes
everyone got blazed
i still love you
i was ready to go to texas a long time ago. i guess as long as everyone else thinks so.
hungry, mad, out for blood
tomorrow is casual friday
emoriffic
i am trying to free the light that i cannot pretend.
i gotta box of mini martini glasses. itll take about 8 hours to get drunk outta these things.
3 weeks outta 25. i aint got that kind of time.
am i on the way to living my dream? i dunno. i wanted to be further along than i am right now. i know that. is this the right path? i dunno.
do i make you proud? does it really matter anyway, no.
i stepped on something sharp today. i guess thats better than swallowing it. thats what she said.
thank you for your time.
i gotta box of mini martini glasses. itll take about 8 hours to get drunk outta these things.
3 weeks outta 25. i aint got that kind of time.
am i on the way to living my dream? i dunno. i wanted to be further along than i am right now. i know that. is this the right path? i dunno.
do i make you proud? does it really matter anyway, no.
i stepped on something sharp today. i guess thats better than swallowing it. thats what she said.
thank you for your time.
100th post
"Of all pleasures the hunt for new pleasures is the most gratifying pleasure of all." - Michel de Montaigne
it's not me, it's you (deposits and fossils)
decent day. good concept showing. "this is promising". so i might have something thats going to effect an entire brand. we'll see. things move slowly in this light.
i didnt wanna get up today.
30 day notice. and im innnnnnnnnnn. nervous.
i feel ok. not bad. not great.
i was gonna make dinner tonight. but i would have been cooking for one. ohhhh well.
maybe i'll go home the weekend after this.
i wish i had more to talk about. but i got shit.
maybe i can just make up some stuff.
i didnt wanna get up today.
30 day notice. and im innnnnnnnnnn. nervous.
i feel ok. not bad. not great.
i was gonna make dinner tonight. but i would have been cooking for one. ohhhh well.
maybe i'll go home the weekend after this.
i wish i had more to talk about. but i got shit.
maybe i can just make up some stuff.
tell me... tell me why... why the archetype was right... and still didnt win... tell me all the things... you found wrong with him...
i went looking at luxury apartment homes today... if one avenue doesn't work... there's always other routes... but anyway... i found a couple really nice places... that i could see myself living in... i want to upgrade my life... and this is one way of doing it... so... i suppose its something to be excited about...
i dont need anything super nice for my birthday...
not sure how next week at work is gonna be... the upstairs guys are gonna be gone... its gonna be a free reign sorta thing... maybe i'll try to come up with some stuff... maybe some cost savings... i dunno...
and thats it.
tomorrow is sit on my ass and watch football day... and clean the fish tank.. and work out i guess... im relapsing...
im hungry...
i went looking at luxury apartment homes today... if one avenue doesn't work... there's always other routes... but anyway... i found a couple really nice places... that i could see myself living in... i want to upgrade my life... and this is one way of doing it... so... i suppose its something to be excited about...
i dont need anything super nice for my birthday...
not sure how next week at work is gonna be... the upstairs guys are gonna be gone... its gonna be a free reign sorta thing... maybe i'll try to come up with some stuff... maybe some cost savings... i dunno...
and thats it.
tomorrow is sit on my ass and watch football day... and clean the fish tank.. and work out i guess... im relapsing...
im hungry...
booze, babes, & tornados
all along
you're no good
you don't care
like you should
oooooooooooook. tell me. tell me about your trip. tell me about your trip to vegas.
got in tuesday evening. the three of us guys went to dinner down in the steakhouse located in the lobby. i had a sampler of filet mignon, chilean sea bass, and pork loin. tastyyyyy. thennn me jenna and luis hung out. gambled a tiny bit. had special suckers. and drank rockstar & mandarin vodka til about 3am. chillin down by the pool in the lounge area. havin a ball. life was good. except i had to be up in four hours.
wednesday. it was a rough time gettin up. i wasnt hungover. i was exhausted. but i made it through the day. saw part of the expo. which turned out to be pretty fuckin call. every awesome food and beverage company youve ever heard of. all giving out free booze and food. we even had margaritas at our booth as well. wednesday night our company went out to dinner at texas de brazil. there was about 25 of us. one big fucking table. i came in last and got a seat at one of the ends. i didnt feel right sitting there and some of the people who i hadnt met yet was like "who the fuck is that guy sittin at the head of the table". but. the food. amazing. the wine. amazing. afterwards i was exhausted. went back to the hotel and basically crashed.
thurday. worked more during the day. met Weeman from jackass and the Bella twins from wrestling. that was pretty damn cool. afterwards we went to benihanas. delicious. also more amazing wine. then the three of us guys went out to a couple shops and gamblin. i got in after twelve. couldnt fall asleep til after two which pissed me off. but oh well.
today. the show was really slow. so we spent alot of time walking around getting a whole bunch of free stuff. i think i have about 10 packs of cloves/cigarettes/cigars and about twenty energy drinks. they had some neat stuff. protein water. relaxer soda. stuff like that. fad foods. but neat. we were scheduled for an eight thirty flight tonight back home but were put on standby for a four thirty. we hauled ass across the airport and got there just in time for the 430. if we were there two minutes later we wouldnt have made it. but im home. our flight would be leaving from vegas just now. which would have sucked. but its good it didnt happen.
so all in all it was a bomb ass trip. it was great to get away. i had a lot of good food and good booze. oh and most of the booths had models handing out product. which was neat. but its not like im gonna do anything about it ya know. besides chat. haha shrugs. and now im back in fresno................ yay? i wanna go back to vegas on a trip.
i guess next week we're goin to knots berry farm for halloween. stayin at the resort. should be interesting.
ummmmm what else. im not sure. lets drink some more.
everytime im flyin on a plane i think to myself. how everything looks so small. and how much earth there really is. and how absolutely insignicant we are comparitively. tiny me. making tiny food. for peoples tiny stomaches. and my tiny feelings. and tiny heart.
you're no good
you don't care
like you should
oooooooooooook. tell me. tell me about your trip. tell me about your trip to vegas.
got in tuesday evening. the three of us guys went to dinner down in the steakhouse located in the lobby. i had a sampler of filet mignon, chilean sea bass, and pork loin. tastyyyyy. thennn me jenna and luis hung out. gambled a tiny bit. had special suckers. and drank rockstar & mandarin vodka til about 3am. chillin down by the pool in the lounge area. havin a ball. life was good. except i had to be up in four hours.
wednesday. it was a rough time gettin up. i wasnt hungover. i was exhausted. but i made it through the day. saw part of the expo. which turned out to be pretty fuckin call. every awesome food and beverage company youve ever heard of. all giving out free booze and food. we even had margaritas at our booth as well. wednesday night our company went out to dinner at texas de brazil. there was about 25 of us. one big fucking table. i came in last and got a seat at one of the ends. i didnt feel right sitting there and some of the people who i hadnt met yet was like "who the fuck is that guy sittin at the head of the table". but. the food. amazing. the wine. amazing. afterwards i was exhausted. went back to the hotel and basically crashed.
thurday. worked more during the day. met Weeman from jackass and the Bella twins from wrestling. that was pretty damn cool. afterwards we went to benihanas. delicious. also more amazing wine. then the three of us guys went out to a couple shops and gamblin. i got in after twelve. couldnt fall asleep til after two which pissed me off. but oh well.
today. the show was really slow. so we spent alot of time walking around getting a whole bunch of free stuff. i think i have about 10 packs of cloves/cigarettes/cigars and about twenty energy drinks. they had some neat stuff. protein water. relaxer soda. stuff like that. fad foods. but neat. we were scheduled for an eight thirty flight tonight back home but were put on standby for a four thirty. we hauled ass across the airport and got there just in time for the 430. if we were there two minutes later we wouldnt have made it. but im home. our flight would be leaving from vegas just now. which would have sucked. but its good it didnt happen.
so all in all it was a bomb ass trip. it was great to get away. i had a lot of good food and good booze. oh and most of the booths had models handing out product. which was neat. but its not like im gonna do anything about it ya know. besides chat. haha shrugs. and now im back in fresno................ yay? i wanna go back to vegas on a trip.
i guess next week we're goin to knots berry farm for halloween. stayin at the resort. should be interesting.
ummmmm what else. im not sure. lets drink some more.
everytime im flyin on a plane i think to myself. how everything looks so small. and how much earth there really is. and how absolutely insignicant we are comparitively. tiny me. making tiny food. for peoples tiny stomaches. and my tiny feelings. and tiny heart.
you promised not to do anything stupid
take only what you need from me
so im considering this week a half way vacation week. let the good times roll. i think this trip to vegas is coming at the perfect time. i need a getaway.
things have been rough. but maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel. (even when its rough its still not that bad. i expect a lot)
my back has been really itchy. ugh.
its also been decided upon that a break is being taken from a certain friendship. amicably. much more than last time. maybe a month. maybe several. we'll see. i made my opinion on things perfectly clear. and they were ignored of course. and thats how this river flows.
it took a funeral, to make me feel alive.
i feel inspired.
and as i said my goodbye... i kissed her on her forehead... down to her nose... and slowly her lips... "why you gotta do this to me".....
im taking my computer with me... so i might blog... something for you to look forward to..
i think thats pretty much it...
goddamn dodgers... looks like no world series for me....
there are some nice fancy apartments in fresno... come to find out...
so im considering this week a half way vacation week. let the good times roll. i think this trip to vegas is coming at the perfect time. i need a getaway.
things have been rough. but maybe there's a light at the end of the tunnel. (even when its rough its still not that bad. i expect a lot)
my back has been really itchy. ugh.
its also been decided upon that a break is being taken from a certain friendship. amicably. much more than last time. maybe a month. maybe several. we'll see. i made my opinion on things perfectly clear. and they were ignored of course. and thats how this river flows.
it took a funeral, to make me feel alive.
i feel inspired.
and as i said my goodbye... i kissed her on her forehead... down to her nose... and slowly her lips... "why you gotta do this to me".....
im taking my computer with me... so i might blog... something for you to look forward to..
i think thats pretty much it...
goddamn dodgers... looks like no world series for me....
there are some nice fancy apartments in fresno... come to find out...
everything in my world is wearing your disease
maybe you took me to place that i hoped i would never go
and maybe that place fucked me up much more than you'll ever know
went to lunch and movies w tiffany and her mom today. it was her bday. good times. whip it was a good movie after all.
who surrendered
this monumental loss
praying the answers
would come across
true deceit
with a beautiful lie
each prayer heard
and each denied
im in a lil better spirits today.
tomorrow back to the grind. then fly fly away. i need to pack.
id like to roll up my pants
step in the water
hand in hand
being surrounded
by fire
engage in something memorable
portrait of a goddess
someday
and maybe that place fucked me up much more than you'll ever know
went to lunch and movies w tiffany and her mom today. it was her bday. good times. whip it was a good movie after all.
who surrendered
this monumental loss
praying the answers
would come across
true deceit
with a beautiful lie
each prayer heard
and each denied
im in a lil better spirits today.
tomorrow back to the grind. then fly fly away. i need to pack.
id like to roll up my pants
step in the water
hand in hand
being surrounded
by fire
engage in something memorable
portrait of a goddess
someday
god don't like fresno
"take all you can, give nothing back" - jack sparrow
a pirates life for me.
went shopping today. and went to the fresno fair. i must say. quite different than paso. dear god. i feel outta place. very few white people there. not that im racist. but its uncomfortable. black sheep.
tomorrow is football and housecleaning day.
tuesday i leave for vegas.
i also did whip its today too. those are fun. anybody that can do drugs recreationally and not have it detour their life in anyway negative, im all for it. heres to ya. and fuck ya'll if ya dont like it :)
i need to get outta my funk. this is no good. i notice i get read more tho as i am more depressed. haha.
sooooo where do we go from here. i dunno. its been a hard twisted road. and i'm walkin that shit.
a pirates life for me.
went shopping today. and went to the fresno fair. i must say. quite different than paso. dear god. i feel outta place. very few white people there. not that im racist. but its uncomfortable. black sheep.
tomorrow is football and housecleaning day.
tuesday i leave for vegas.
i also did whip its today too. those are fun. anybody that can do drugs recreationally and not have it detour their life in anyway negative, im all for it. heres to ya. and fuck ya'll if ya dont like it :)
i need to get outta my funk. this is no good. i notice i get read more tho as i am more depressed. haha.
sooooo where do we go from here. i dunno. its been a hard twisted road. and i'm walkin that shit.
things falling apart
started off the day with finding out im not getting my house. 30 other offers. yes thirty.
highlight of my day. i got to help style food thats gonna be on the food network show unwrapped. food i helped out with on tv. pretty neat.
i feel blah. im tired. i need some good sleep. i need something.
so. gradually everything has snowballed downhill. into a pile of shit. what a mood im in right. heh.
k. i may not know much anymore. but if i do know anything its frozen mexican style food. its my niche. heres how we fix this:
three layers
seperate out the potatoes. do them in 1/2" cubes. they'll go on the bottom.
keep the eggs and veggies together.
take the cheese outta mix and separate it into a sauce. because you couldn't even tell it was in the product. use a white cheese too. this will be the top layer. add some spice to the sauce. liiiiiiiiiiiike an ancho cheese sauce.
so you got cheese sauce, then eggs/veggies, then potatoes. you got color. you got texture. you got more flavor. you got a sellable product.
its funny the way my brain works now. disecting left out "enchiladas" on a friends table. heh.
i need another drink.
highlight of my day. i got to help style food thats gonna be on the food network show unwrapped. food i helped out with on tv. pretty neat.
i feel blah. im tired. i need some good sleep. i need something.
so. gradually everything has snowballed downhill. into a pile of shit. what a mood im in right. heh.
k. i may not know much anymore. but if i do know anything its frozen mexican style food. its my niche. heres how we fix this:
three layers
seperate out the potatoes. do them in 1/2" cubes. they'll go on the bottom.
keep the eggs and veggies together.
take the cheese outta mix and separate it into a sauce. because you couldn't even tell it was in the product. use a white cheese too. this will be the top layer. add some spice to the sauce. liiiiiiiiiiiike an ancho cheese sauce.
so you got cheese sauce, then eggs/veggies, then potatoes. you got color. you got texture. you got more flavor. you got a sellable product.
its funny the way my brain works now. disecting left out "enchiladas" on a friends table. heh.
i need another drink.
disgusting
i guess im pissed off because things arent going the way i want them to...
you have this plan in your head... of what you want to be... and you do all you can to get there... grow as a person... physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually.... be pretty fuckin successful... and you hit a glass ceiling... its not good enough... i want more... i need more... i cant have more...
im fucking sunburnt...
was absolutely shitty at golf today... how embarrassing...
and i really got nothing good to say...
you have this plan in your head... of what you want to be... and you do all you can to get there... grow as a person... physically, emotionally, socially, intellectually.... be pretty fuckin successful... and you hit a glass ceiling... its not good enough... i want more... i need more... i cant have more...
im fucking sunburnt...
was absolutely shitty at golf today... how embarrassing...
and i really got nothing good to say...
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckedup
yes i am
never in my life.... have i had such a relationship/friendship/whatever that has caused me so much grief.... and i've had it.... horseshit after horseshit after horseshit... maybe its not... maybe ex lovers cant be friends... i dont fucking know anymore... but im sick of this shit... so i dunno where to go w that from here...
im happy im golfing tomorrow... i hope i do ok...
i need to think of something good for saturday...
i need to put more effort into certain things...
lets cover it all up with booze.... like we used to... (i did that purposely to rhyme)
x to your oh
never in my life.... have i had such a relationship/friendship/whatever that has caused me so much grief.... and i've had it.... horseshit after horseshit after horseshit... maybe its not... maybe ex lovers cant be friends... i dont fucking know anymore... but im sick of this shit... so i dunno where to go w that from here...
im happy im golfing tomorrow... i hope i do ok...
i need to think of something good for saturday...
i need to put more effort into certain things...
lets cover it all up with booze.... like we used to... (i did that purposely to rhyme)
x to your oh
some are, so far, away
got a good haircut. skeet skeet.
work has been boring the past two days. couple tests. waiting for some lab results. bla bla
thursday im playin golf instead of working. well actually im gettin paid. haha.
i dunno what else. i dunno what is goin on this weekend.
i really didnt have much to say.
soooo yeah.
work has been boring the past two days. couple tests. waiting for some lab results. bla bla
thursday im playin golf instead of working. well actually im gettin paid. haha.
i dunno what else. i dunno what is goin on this weekend.
i really didnt have much to say.
soooo yeah.
there's no place like home
its grey. its cold. its my element. and my blood is dark and warm.
im not sure what time im going back today. im not sure i even want to. but i got priorities. i got two different lives.
yesterday. went and played pool in pismo w mike. good times. came back to town. picked up allix and we went to the cheese shop and coffee shop. gave me a good idea to be a burrito for halloween. i thought that was quite brilliant. so let it be written. so let it be done.
in the night
here them talk
about the cruelest story ever told
how he lost is soul
to a woman so heartless
i need to go pick up a new shirt today.
im not sure what time im going back today. im not sure i even want to. but i got priorities. i got two different lives.
yesterday. went and played pool in pismo w mike. good times. came back to town. picked up allix and we went to the cheese shop and coffee shop. gave me a good idea to be a burrito for halloween. i thought that was quite brilliant. so let it be written. so let it be done.
in the night
here them talk
about the cruelest story ever told
how he lost is soul
to a woman so heartless
i need to go pick up a new shirt today.
and all he got in return was (pain)
everytime i grasp a dream another slips through my fingers....
today... there was a hour and a half whirlwind... intense... i went from incredibly shitty... to incredibly stressed... to incredibly overwhelmed... with the end result being this... i had an idea when i first got to this company... of a caffeinated product... it took a few tries.. but i successfully created one... and showed it to the owner today... he said "lets launch it march"...................................... oh. fuck. did i just create a food item thats going to be launched nationwide... i believe so. well i hope so. we have testing and such to do. but the CEO loves the idea.... he wants me to show it in vegas in a couple weeks but thats not doable... but i really really hope this goes through... this... right here... is what ive wanted... are you proud now?
and that was today. came back to paso tonight. told my parents the nice news. then drove to slo and went to a concert. with mike. in which its been yeaaaaaaaaaars since ive seen... and it was refreshing to see him. hasnt changed too much from what i can tell. met the wife. she's good people. and im a good judge of character. i can just tell right away with some people. im quite judgemental. heh. soooo we'll all hangout tomorrow. also going out with Christina. i kinda wanna go fishing with my dad sunday. in the ocean. but i have to get up at 4am. i dunno. i still need to see kristina and haley. i dunno how im going to work all of this out. i wish all my friends were over there. life would be quite different. i mean, as much as ive gotten established in the valley and done good for myself, my soul is still here. its not like im not myself in fresno, its just, different.
i'm sorree. im uglee.
my parents always have such good food here. mmm.
today... there was a hour and a half whirlwind... intense... i went from incredibly shitty... to incredibly stressed... to incredibly overwhelmed... with the end result being this... i had an idea when i first got to this company... of a caffeinated product... it took a few tries.. but i successfully created one... and showed it to the owner today... he said "lets launch it march"...................................... oh. fuck. did i just create a food item thats going to be launched nationwide... i believe so. well i hope so. we have testing and such to do. but the CEO loves the idea.... he wants me to show it in vegas in a couple weeks but thats not doable... but i really really hope this goes through... this... right here... is what ive wanted... are you proud now?
and that was today. came back to paso tonight. told my parents the nice news. then drove to slo and went to a concert. with mike. in which its been yeaaaaaaaaaars since ive seen... and it was refreshing to see him. hasnt changed too much from what i can tell. met the wife. she's good people. and im a good judge of character. i can just tell right away with some people. im quite judgemental. heh. soooo we'll all hangout tomorrow. also going out with Christina. i kinda wanna go fishing with my dad sunday. in the ocean. but i have to get up at 4am. i dunno. i still need to see kristina and haley. i dunno how im going to work all of this out. i wish all my friends were over there. life would be quite different. i mean, as much as ive gotten established in the valley and done good for myself, my soul is still here. its not like im not myself in fresno, its just, different.
i'm sorree. im uglee.
my parents always have such good food here. mmm.
true love waits?
ive been thinkin alot about my wedding lately. and having kids. weird.
i hope im not being held back because i did something somebody else couldnt.
im going home this weekend. again.
i hope im not being held back because i did something somebody else couldnt.
im going home this weekend. again.
today i got asked how my fairytale life was... i said its incomplete... i think im gettin close to piecin this fucker together... i can see the pieces... there just on the other side of the room and i have to go get them and fit them...
i made a pretty good product today im excited about... gotta show it to one person tomorrow morning before i get approval to unveil this bitch...
erm, the bars on my cage have been opened...
i dunno what im doin this weekend.
i made a pretty good product today im excited about... gotta show it to one person tomorrow morning before i get approval to unveil this bitch...
erm, the bars on my cage have been opened...
i dunno what im doin this weekend.
piss n vinegar
shit and bricks. excuse me. shit and rocks.
ughhhhh work was lame. dont get me wrong. i made two pretty damn good products i thought today. but apparently you can criticize anything. im getting better at prototyping. obviously. maybe im threatening? is that egotistical to think that? i'll tell you what. ive gotten here doin things my way. listening to advice but barely following. cuz i usually find that my way works out in the end. do i stop trusting my instincts now? fuck no. we've come to far to stop believing in my skills now.
so ive been awfully cranky. and snippy. and angry. i think the extra testosterone is kicking in. reviews on this stuff say it builds muscle fast, increases sex drive, but also my cause anger or roid rage if you will. i think it does help me build. i think it does make me have a short fuse. but i dunno about my sex drive. too much information?
didnt here shit on my house today. so i guess tomorrow is the do or die news. if i dont get this one i think im pretty close to being fucked. i'd have to move into 30 day escrow territory. for something say i find this week and get a deal done next week. if that could even happen. sooo if this one doesn't go through im gonna be unhappy. but i know i looked at a lot of places. and put in the best offers i could. and the rest was out of my hands. but we'll see tomorrow.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite me
ughhhhh work was lame. dont get me wrong. i made two pretty damn good products i thought today. but apparently you can criticize anything. im getting better at prototyping. obviously. maybe im threatening? is that egotistical to think that? i'll tell you what. ive gotten here doin things my way. listening to advice but barely following. cuz i usually find that my way works out in the end. do i stop trusting my instincts now? fuck no. we've come to far to stop believing in my skills now.
so ive been awfully cranky. and snippy. and angry. i think the extra testosterone is kicking in. reviews on this stuff say it builds muscle fast, increases sex drive, but also my cause anger or roid rage if you will. i think it does help me build. i think it does make me have a short fuse. but i dunno about my sex drive. too much information?
didnt here shit on my house today. so i guess tomorrow is the do or die news. if i dont get this one i think im pretty close to being fucked. i'd have to move into 30 day escrow territory. for something say i find this week and get a deal done next week. if that could even happen. sooo if this one doesn't go through im gonna be unhappy. but i know i looked at a lot of places. and put in the best offers i could. and the rest was out of my hands. but we'll see tomorrow.
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite me
i want another one
things keep rollin. pretty decent day. got my itinerary for vegas. gonna be involved on a project w del taco. got taken out to lunch. good stuff. tomorrow morning will be busy.
what else what else what else.
i dunno.
i feel good.
what else what else what else.
i dunno.
i feel good.
ask and you shall receive
because im diluted
perfectly flawed
i choose to
live by passion
and not by law
i want to play with fire
the fire that mesmerizes me
i want to touch it
taste it
im not afraid
to burn
im tired.
perfectly flawed
i choose to
live by passion
and not by law
i want to play with fire
the fire that mesmerizes me
i want to touch it
taste it
im not afraid
to burn
im tired.
highest and best
thats the offer i put in. i should find out around tuesday.
im so tired. i wanna nap.
i think sometimes. i need emotional nails driven into my heart. crucify it. and wear it on display.
kinda morbid yes.
im so tired. i wanna nap.
i think sometimes. i need emotional nails driven into my heart. crucify it. and wear it on display.
kinda morbid yes.
stabbing eastward
my dreams are born and die in the same place.
im very tired.
and not too happy.
but its good to have a place to go.
im very tired.
and not too happy.
but its good to have a place to go.
The White Devil
thats my new nickname at work. ha. i kinda like it.
my showing went well today. they mentioned maybe showing one of my products to costco. thatd be pretty fancy. dont ya think?
other than that. meh. whatever.
my showing went well today. they mentioned maybe showing one of my products to costco. thatd be pretty fancy. dont ya think?
other than that. meh. whatever.
art & fallacies
today was blah. but whatever. tomorrow though. tomorrows kinda big. ive been prototyping for the past two weeks on a couple products. just practicing. and when i was ready i was going to show them. well tomorrow at 3 i have a "concept showing" as we call it in the industry. i feel good that they well be at least decently received. im sure they could be better. but im not at the skill level yet there. and i wont be for quite a while. but we'll see how it goes. this is only my first one.
i feel pumped.
tomorrow is sweatshirt day.
friday is casual friday.
and thats about it.
i feel pumped.
tomorrow is sweatshirt day.
friday is casual friday.
and thats about it.
falling (into place)
very boring day at work.
came home and worked out.
and thats about it.
hotel reservations confirmed for vegas. skeet skeet. luis really wants to drag me to a strip club. i just dont see the appeal of these things. why would i wanna pay for that crap when i would just get teased. i dunno. i mean. if that shit was free we have a different story. i dunno.
its gonna be coolin off. im very happy about that.
and thats about it.
came home and worked out.
and thats about it.
hotel reservations confirmed for vegas. skeet skeet. luis really wants to drag me to a strip club. i just dont see the appeal of these things. why would i wanna pay for that crap when i would just get teased. i dunno. i mean. if that shit was free we have a different story. i dunno.
its gonna be coolin off. im very happy about that.
and thats about it.
projects and pills
i take pills. alot of pills. no not those kind. well, sometimes those kind. every day i start off with 1 prilosec for my acid reflux and 1 multi vitamin for good health. then i drink my protein shake for breakfast. and with that protein shake i take 4 amino acid supplements. this help gets the protein into the muscles. i go to work. on my drive home i take 2 NOS boosters. this helps but enriched blood into your muscles making them bigger. when i get home i work out. drink another protein shake with 4 more amino acid supplements and 2 more NOS boosters. and at night time before bed i take 2 melatonin to help me sleep. lets add this up.... 1+1+4+2+4+2+2= 16. Thats alot kids. don't be like that. is all of that shit helping? thats debatable. i think the creatine and testosterone has worked the best so far. in my opinion.
i made a bomb fuckin ass sauce tonight. i still got it. i mean that shit was delicious. not to toot my horn or anything. but honk honk.
projects are things to do that take a significant amount of time to accomplish. i have projects at work. and i have projects not at work.
tool academy is on tonight. assholes that are worse than me. that me becoming debatable now a days who the fuck knows.
i might not work all five days this week. the plant is closed thursday and friday and the following monday too i believe. now on these days its not unusual for the food techs not to show up. damn i need to be put on salary.
theres a decent band playin in modesto on thursday. but that might be alot of driving after work.
zombies ate my neighbors is a bad ass snes game. lion king is very difficult. and its based on a childrens movie. what kind of shit is that.
i made a bomb fuckin ass sauce tonight. i still got it. i mean that shit was delicious. not to toot my horn or anything. but honk honk.
projects are things to do that take a significant amount of time to accomplish. i have projects at work. and i have projects not at work.
tool academy is on tonight. assholes that are worse than me. that me becoming debatable now a days who the fuck knows.
i might not work all five days this week. the plant is closed thursday and friday and the following monday too i believe. now on these days its not unusual for the food techs not to show up. damn i need to be put on salary.
theres a decent band playin in modesto on thursday. but that might be alot of driving after work.
zombies ate my neighbors is a bad ass snes game. lion king is very difficult. and its based on a childrens movie. what kind of shit is that.
meet me in virginia
i think i wanna go. in decemberish. after i get my bonus. we'll see how it plays out. i said i was gonna go one day. and then seems about the right time.
the new breaking benjamin album is kinda lame.
tomorrow is football day.
i have two writings i need to finish.
im excited about next weekend.
drank alot of cranberry juice today.
i hold my breath when i breathe.
hard candy is a twisted movie.
hey angel. fly over.
the new breaking benjamin album is kinda lame.
tomorrow is football day.
i have two writings i need to finish.
im excited about next weekend.
drank alot of cranberry juice today.
i hold my breath when i breathe.
hard candy is a twisted movie.
hey angel. fly over.
they say i have more than i could ever need
and who the hell am i to be so unhappy
they say if i keep livin like a do
hell will be comin round for me soon
i say ive been through it once
and i pulled through
they say i cannot be trusted
that pale skin
mixed with a lil gin
wears my judgement thin
they say i go about the things the wrong way
thou who throws the first stone
shall be judged all the same
well i
im the jury today
im so tired
listening to what they have to say
it doesnt matter
never have
never will
tell me
what you have to say
what you think
the feeling you have
when i leave
do you miss me
the next day
i say
take that chance
fall into my arms again
everything i ever promised
will come true this time
and who the hell am i to be so unhappy
they say if i keep livin like a do
hell will be comin round for me soon
i say ive been through it once
and i pulled through
they say i cannot be trusted
that pale skin
mixed with a lil gin
wears my judgement thin
they say i go about the things the wrong way
thou who throws the first stone
shall be judged all the same
well i
im the jury today
im so tired
listening to what they have to say
it doesnt matter
never have
never will
tell me
what you have to say
what you think
the feeling you have
when i leave
do you miss me
the next day
i say
take that chance
fall into my arms again
everything i ever promised
will come true this time
heads in danger (out of a foxhole)
they say i have more than i could ever need... and who the hell am i to be so unhappy...
thats a start...
good day at work.
i havent been drunk in two weeks. i think i wanna do that tonight.
they say if i keep livin like a do, hell will be comin round for me soon... i say ive been through it once, and i pulled through...
im watching an old mike tyson fight... its kinda neat...
my wrist still hurts...
helped jason moved furniture last night...
its sad theres no great fighters now a days... no great figures... no great leaders... no great lovers... even architecture isnt what it used to be...
and i got plans to sleep in tomorrow.
thats a start...
good day at work.
i havent been drunk in two weeks. i think i wanna do that tonight.
they say if i keep livin like a do, hell will be comin round for me soon... i say ive been through it once, and i pulled through...
im watching an old mike tyson fight... its kinda neat...
my wrist still hurts...
helped jason moved furniture last night...
its sad theres no great fighters now a days... no great figures... no great leaders... no great lovers... even architecture isnt what it used to be...
and i got plans to sleep in tomorrow.
im not that kind of asshole
things change rather quickly. sometimes for the good. sometimes for the worst. it can be as quick as a car accident. or a text message. a few months ago i was bustin my ass to graduate. today im at a fancy ass luncheon with the corporate crowd eating filet mignon for lunch and toasting with champagne. life is beautiful every now and then. got to see our commercial coming out in march. i helped make the product thats used. kinda neat. one of my projects was mentioned in the presentation. nice. and i got to meet some interesting people. which was one part of the job i wasnt expecting. all these salesman and business people that are in your field. you kinda see the same people over and over again throughout the years ive picked up. all out of our guys are friends with these sales people and go out drinkin and stuff with them when in town. but anyway im gettin off track. i also got my first samples in this week. packages. yay. i call someone and say hey im lookin for this would you send me some. for free lol. and they say hell yeah cuz they wanna sell you their stuff later on if you use it in a product. so they send you whatever your lookin for whether its cilantro oil, or a sodium reduction agent. and you get to play with it. anyway. i digress.
for the third and a half time today my offer did not get accepted. im very frustrated. im bidding six or seven thousand over asking price to start and im not getting countered back. all these assholes paying cash for houses in my price range. but. the search continues. im not gonna get something im not comfortable with just cuz this glass ceiling deadline is fastly approaching. we'll see how it goes. hopefully they extend the thing.
not sure what im doing this weekend. nothing i guess. willhoite. coffee tomorrow?
oh it looks like i may not be going to chicago afterall. ugh but definately ill be in vegas. so maybe ill be here for halloween. party? get yo freak on.
for the third and a half time today my offer did not get accepted. im very frustrated. im bidding six or seven thousand over asking price to start and im not getting countered back. all these assholes paying cash for houses in my price range. but. the search continues. im not gonna get something im not comfortable with just cuz this glass ceiling deadline is fastly approaching. we'll see how it goes. hopefully they extend the thing.
not sure what im doing this weekend. nothing i guess. willhoite. coffee tomorrow?
oh it looks like i may not be going to chicago afterall. ugh but definately ill be in vegas. so maybe ill be here for halloween. party? get yo freak on.
long day. worked. went on an ift plant tour then dinner. was sittin around the table with everyone from work. havin a beer. then i had to head out early. to look at a house. which is pretty good. so i put in an offer. its gettin too late in the game. so we'll see how it goes.
tomorrow is oooooooooootep. bring out your dead. here comes the warheaaaaaaaaad.
tomorrow is oooooooooootep. bring out your dead. here comes the warheaaaaaaaaad.
things are fucked.
things are failing.
things are not being purchased.
things are losing in the fourth quarter.
somethings gotta give.
i woke up pissed off this morning. said i was gonna kick the world in the teeth today. didnt work as i planned. and just for entertainment/something new, one block from work today i switched my gar into triptronic transmission. just to try it. cuz i hadn't before. and i drove the car around the block once extra today. just something new.
i do things my way. i'll listen to advice. but thats pretty much all i do. by any means neccessary. im not goin after moral victories here.
tickets to virginia. 138 dollars. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
things are failing.
things are not being purchased.
things are losing in the fourth quarter.
somethings gotta give.
i woke up pissed off this morning. said i was gonna kick the world in the teeth today. didnt work as i planned. and just for entertainment/something new, one block from work today i switched my gar into triptronic transmission. just to try it. cuz i hadn't before. and i drove the car around the block once extra today. just something new.
i do things my way. i'll listen to advice. but thats pretty much all i do. by any means neccessary. im not goin after moral victories here.
tickets to virginia. 138 dollars. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
systems management and failure
a break from the daily grind. would be kind.
apparently i don't ask about people's day.
... no, it wasn't a kiss... i whispered secrets, dreams, and hopes... into her mouth... and she took them in... holding it all close to her heart... then i pulled her into me... wrapped my arms around her... running the backs of my fingernails softly down her shoulder... i didnt let go... and there we were... i close my eyes.... and all i see.... and all i see is... you.
want your.
need your.
life.
feed it to me.
apparently i don't ask about people's day.
... no, it wasn't a kiss... i whispered secrets, dreams, and hopes... into her mouth... and she took them in... holding it all close to her heart... then i pulled her into me... wrapped my arms around her... running the backs of my fingernails softly down her shoulder... i didnt let go... and there we were... i close my eyes.... and all i see.... and all i see is... you.
want your.
need your.
life.
feed it to me.
words are weapons
not much goin on.
gettin some projects at work. work work work. i still like my job.
goin up north for the weekend. somewhere. im not really sure.
everything else is fine i guess. shrugs.
i still need a fuckin haircut.
happy to be leavin the state next month. someday id like to travel that far for fun. with someone.
i need to be inspired to be a better person. well, not that im not right now. i dunno.
bored.
gettin some projects at work. work work work. i still like my job.
goin up north for the weekend. somewhere. im not really sure.
everything else is fine i guess. shrugs.
i still need a fuckin haircut.
happy to be leavin the state next month. someday id like to travel that far for fun. with someone.
i need to be inspired to be a better person. well, not that im not right now. i dunno.
bored.
a perfect life
the weather this morning was amazing. the smell of rain. the wetness on my feet as i stepped out onto my balcony. beautiful.
did actual work today. im evaluating stuff. settin up meetin stuff. my hunger there is being fed at the moment. the best part of my work day? not only am i going to vegas next month for four days. but the following week ill be in chicago for five days. :) at a food expo. so kind of kickback time. aaaaand the nations best molecular gastronomy restaurant is located here i believe. wylie dufrane's restaurant WD 50. im gonna go to that shit. i need to get my parents suitcase.
i could have the world by the balls and still be unhappy. i wouldnt argue with that point. cuz i kinda do now.
i thought i was having vegetable lasagna for dinner. but apparently not.
i couldnt sleep for shit last night. i had been up late the following four nights due to plant trials and the weekend so i rolled around in bed for three hours before knocking out. then i had a dream that i bought my house. and some people came into it kind of like the strangers movie. ive had a dream like this a few times. trying to keep them out. but i was eventually stabbed in the stomach and died. ouch.
i put another couple pounds on. woot woot.
the final ascent, starts now.
did actual work today. im evaluating stuff. settin up meetin stuff. my hunger there is being fed at the moment. the best part of my work day? not only am i going to vegas next month for four days. but the following week ill be in chicago for five days. :) at a food expo. so kind of kickback time. aaaaand the nations best molecular gastronomy restaurant is located here i believe. wylie dufrane's restaurant WD 50. im gonna go to that shit. i need to get my parents suitcase.
i could have the world by the balls and still be unhappy. i wouldnt argue with that point. cuz i kinda do now.
i thought i was having vegetable lasagna for dinner. but apparently not.
i couldnt sleep for shit last night. i had been up late the following four nights due to plant trials and the weekend so i rolled around in bed for three hours before knocking out. then i had a dream that i bought my house. and some people came into it kind of like the strangers movie. ive had a dream like this a few times. trying to keep them out. but i was eventually stabbed in the stomach and died. ouch.
i put another couple pounds on. woot woot.
the final ascent, starts now.
strings attached
good, good weekend. what will the next hold.
sat around most of the day. had a good work out. i feel strong.
found some houses online. hopefully i can go see some tomorrow.
work should be good this week. continuing to grow.
i started my rap. need to finish it.
im gonna get everything i want. just wait and see.
sat around most of the day. had a good work out. i feel strong.
found some houses online. hopefully i can go see some tomorrow.
work should be good this week. continuing to grow.
i started my rap. need to finish it.
im gonna get everything i want. just wait and see.
black widows and praying mantis'
oi. i shouldn't have eaten those bacon and mushrooms. they were both kinda iffy.
football. all. fuckin. day.
i need a haircut.
do you ever have moments in life, where you're complete. happy. full. satisfied. content. every once in a while i get those. i forget what its like sometimes. but when i get them its like oh yeah. then it makes everything else feel not real almost. i want one of those.
ps. i hate bags of trash sitting in the corner.
football. all. fuckin. day.
i need a haircut.
do you ever have moments in life, where you're complete. happy. full. satisfied. content. every once in a while i get those. i forget what its like sometimes. but when i get them its like oh yeah. then it makes everything else feel not real almost. i want one of those.
ps. i hate bags of trash sitting in the corner.
my rap
huh
yeah
this is my rap
hold on
let me think of
how to make this start
alright
here we go
punchin my keyboard
like a loud mouth whore
this is me
wantin more
gettin drunk on V
but this shit
just aint hittin me
maybe i
can shoot it into my veins
maybe then
it might
hit my brain
maybe i
could make some mistakes
if you dont
hit the brakes
and maybe then
our life would be made
why the fuck did you invite me here
this party is lame
all the girls here
should be locked back in their cage
this shit is like a zoo
i even had to pay
dont feed the animals
just stay outta their way
after about an hour
i stopped in my tracks
found a beauty in the beasts
and baby had back
but she was with some guy
i thought to myself
fuck it
im gonna say hi
he said whoa son
your talkin to my girl
i told him no
yours is over there
the one that escaped from sea world
and then i asked this girl
what do you see in him
im a technologist
hes just a technician
he'll just take you places
that you've already been
look doll
this isnt a place you want to stay
lets go back to my place
ill fix you a drink
while you add me on myspace
i got
satin sheets
shag carpeting
and once your over
you might not wanna leave
quite honestly
that'd be ok with me
so that is the end of this story
im sorry if it was kind of boring
but i left with the best looking girl of the party
and i dont really know
quite how to finish this
soooo
fuck it
yeah
this is my rap
hold on
let me think of
how to make this start
alright
here we go
punchin my keyboard
like a loud mouth whore
this is me
wantin more
gettin drunk on V
but this shit
just aint hittin me
maybe i
can shoot it into my veins
maybe then
it might
hit my brain
maybe i
could make some mistakes
if you dont
hit the brakes
and maybe then
our life would be made
why the fuck did you invite me here
this party is lame
all the girls here
should be locked back in their cage
this shit is like a zoo
i even had to pay
dont feed the animals
just stay outta their way
after about an hour
i stopped in my tracks
found a beauty in the beasts
and baby had back
but she was with some guy
i thought to myself
fuck it
im gonna say hi
he said whoa son
your talkin to my girl
i told him no
yours is over there
the one that escaped from sea world
and then i asked this girl
what do you see in him
im a technologist
hes just a technician
he'll just take you places
that you've already been
look doll
this isnt a place you want to stay
lets go back to my place
ill fix you a drink
while you add me on myspace
i got
satin sheets
shag carpeting
and once your over
you might not wanna leave
quite honestly
that'd be ok with me
so that is the end of this story
im sorry if it was kind of boring
but i left with the best looking girl of the party
and i dont really know
quite how to finish this
soooo
fuck it
this goddamned war
bad news i didnt get my house again. im quite upset about it.
good news is im goin to vegas for a few days next month.
bad news is ive plateaued.
good news is im drinkin it away.
bad news is i dont feel like drinking.
bad news is i dont feel like doing much of anything.
good news? give me some.
how about i believe in karma. sorta. everything always evens out is what i believe. so i have this loaded up pile of dog shit on my life and soul. now would be a good time for something to wash it all away. something good.
and thats all i gotta say about that.
good news is im goin to vegas for a few days next month.
bad news is ive plateaued.
good news is im drinkin it away.
bad news is i dont feel like drinking.
bad news is i dont feel like doing much of anything.
good news? give me some.
how about i believe in karma. sorta. everything always evens out is what i believe. so i have this loaded up pile of dog shit on my life and soul. now would be a good time for something to wash it all away. something good.
and thats all i gotta say about that.
ive been sharpening my teeth
while waiting in the wings
ive been growing in size and shape
preparing to break free
spent a hundred days in hell
and six climbing to get out
broke the backs
of the weak
joined the flock
and ate the sheep
i went shepard unto stone
messiah down to bone
became the monster
that i hate
broke the mirror
and joined the ranks
served on the lines
of all who were lost
knew where i was standing
and endured multiple shots
i gathered a hunger
that can be quenched by no god
and the only place that i can win
is the very which i have lost
with a broken heart
and strong armor
im ready to fight again
against you
for you
until the very end
and i
break you
like bread
enjoying my
communion feast
ive waited
so long
to taste you
while waiting in the wings
ive been growing in size and shape
preparing to break free
spent a hundred days in hell
and six climbing to get out
broke the backs
of the weak
joined the flock
and ate the sheep
i went shepard unto stone
messiah down to bone
became the monster
that i hate
broke the mirror
and joined the ranks
served on the lines
of all who were lost
knew where i was standing
and endured multiple shots
i gathered a hunger
that can be quenched by no god
and the only place that i can win
is the very which i have lost
with a broken heart
and strong armor
im ready to fight again
against you
for you
until the very end
and i
break you
like bread
enjoying my
communion feast
ive waited
so long
to taste you
ive had an idea for words that i need to get outta my head, later.
this week is gonna be a little rowdy. two plant trials. which i gotta go in late at night for. which is like workin fucked up split shifts. friday im gonna be dead. dead dead dead.
little of this. little of that today. whats this and that?
i feel physically worn. good.
this weekend was kind of a bummer. no fish. no luck gambling. no luck. no luck. no luck. what you gonna do. hopefully that changes soon.
i've been hiding in the wings. while sharpening my teeth.
this week is gonna be a little rowdy. two plant trials. which i gotta go in late at night for. which is like workin fucked up split shifts. friday im gonna be dead. dead dead dead.
little of this. little of that today. whats this and that?
i feel physically worn. good.
this weekend was kind of a bummer. no fish. no luck gambling. no luck. no luck. no luck. what you gonna do. hopefully that changes soon.
i've been hiding in the wings. while sharpening my teeth.
already dead inside my head [postcards]
got my oil changed yesterday. exciting. worked out. came to paso country.
me and christina went to cambria. had a bottle of rum and shared with the squirrels. that was pretty neat. ocean breeze in my face. then went out with caitlin later on.
went and visited the thomasons today. timmy got laid off. which sucks. economy is still brutal. i thought obama was supposed to be helping? im starting not to like him very much.
not going up north afterall. going home tomorrow instead later.
not sure what the plans for tonight are.
not sure what the plans for anything are at this point.
word to your mother.
me and christina went to cambria. had a bottle of rum and shared with the squirrels. that was pretty neat. ocean breeze in my face. then went out with caitlin later on.
went and visited the thomasons today. timmy got laid off. which sucks. economy is still brutal. i thought obama was supposed to be helping? im starting not to like him very much.
not going up north afterall. going home tomorrow instead later.
not sure what the plans for tonight are.
not sure what the plans for anything are at this point.
word to your mother.
State Of The Union
my job, its going well. im constantly learning and gettin to do pretty cool things. its a great conversation piece. the house search, im worried i wont find anything. theres not a lot out there, at all, and a lot of people seem to want houses right now. my heart, is pretty callous. and i wonder if i'll ever be able to give it away again. my workouts, are going well. i think. my social life, is better on the weekends. but i need to be more social here. i need to hang out more. my girl, is good to me. and i think she gives me all she can. my soul, is a flame that isnt burning too horribly bright. my hunger, is still a constant drip upon my brain. i try to ignore it, but its there. its always there. and instead of trying to hide it. maybe id be better fully embracing it, for once. but whatev. my overall everything, fine. there was a lot more. but. meh.
when the ball drops
im a brick fucking wall.
today i was on the food with top executives from kraft, nestle, schwanns, and others. they know my name. little things. little things.
i dont have much to say. except the walls are drab. and i need more friends in this city.
or i need friends from my old town to come here.
im looking forward to this weekend.
i love
your taste
when your
lips come
unto
me.
today i was on the food with top executives from kraft, nestle, schwanns, and others. they know my name. little things. little things.
i dont have much to say. except the walls are drab. and i need more friends in this city.
or i need friends from my old town to come here.
im looking forward to this weekend.
i love
your taste
when your
lips come
unto
me.
we're too cold to feel remorse
im goin home this weekend. friday morning. after i get my oil changed and i work out.
tomorrow will be neat at work. im sittin in on a conference call with people from the CDC (big government folk), and big people from other companies. just listening, learning.
havent heard anything on the house. so, just in case, were gonna look at other stuff this week, sometime.
i've gained three pounds since last week. :) muscle motherfucker.
i feel, bleh. i need a four day weekend.
theres dishes that need to be done.
tomorrow will be neat at work. im sittin in on a conference call with people from the CDC (big government folk), and big people from other companies. just listening, learning.
havent heard anything on the house. so, just in case, were gonna look at other stuff this week, sometime.
i've gained three pounds since last week. :) muscle motherfucker.
i feel, bleh. i need a four day weekend.
theres dishes that need to be done.
where we at w everything. really.
havent heard back on the house yet. ugh.
i need to get my oil changed.
ice skating tonight. karaoke drunkness tonight. should be fun.
i wanna try to recharge my batteries this weekend. cuz by the end of the week im dead.
what else. tokyo steak house was good last night.
my protein diet is goin well.
good luck to willhoite.
me n mike have been talkin more the past few days. we got mucho catchin up to do.
and thats about it.
havent heard back on the house yet. ugh.
i need to get my oil changed.
ice skating tonight. karaoke drunkness tonight. should be fun.
i wanna try to recharge my batteries this weekend. cuz by the end of the week im dead.
what else. tokyo steak house was good last night.
my protein diet is goin well.
good luck to willhoite.
me n mike have been talkin more the past few days. we got mucho catchin up to do.
and thats about it.
so tell me now
if this aint love
then how do we get through?
my body is broken and sore. and growing. im eating my weight in grams of protein. 175. bitches.
today i played at work. tried out the energy burrito. came up with a great cinnamon cream fill. with lil cinnabites. which i got a compliment on. so pictures. this. i had a nice big bowl of this fill. i added a pinch, a gram and a half, of pure caffeine, and it turned the whole thing bitter. its potent stuff. if you eat a spoon of it you die basically. it should come with a toxic label. but this will be a challenge.
house to myself.
im exhausted. cant wait til the week is over.
i think. ive been good. about keeping my other appetite suppressed. i think this house thing is taking care of that. i think my days and evenings are too filled to think about it. what happened to the man who got everything he wanted? is that even possible? i'd like to think it is. and i (we) could live in complete bliss. in a perfect world. with a perfect you. and perfect me. all the things she said. and all that could have been.
if this aint love
then how do we get through?
my body is broken and sore. and growing. im eating my weight in grams of protein. 175. bitches.
today i played at work. tried out the energy burrito. came up with a great cinnamon cream fill. with lil cinnabites. which i got a compliment on. so pictures. this. i had a nice big bowl of this fill. i added a pinch, a gram and a half, of pure caffeine, and it turned the whole thing bitter. its potent stuff. if you eat a spoon of it you die basically. it should come with a toxic label. but this will be a challenge.
house to myself.
im exhausted. cant wait til the week is over.
i think. ive been good. about keeping my other appetite suppressed. i think this house thing is taking care of that. i think my days and evenings are too filled to think about it. what happened to the man who got everything he wanted? is that even possible? i'd like to think it is. and i (we) could live in complete bliss. in a perfect world. with a perfect you. and perfect me. all the things she said. and all that could have been.
as the stars rise up
for the six hundredth time
i put the glass down
and hide my breath away
put the peddle on the floor
im comin over
rain punishes the window
blinding my sights
i got a bottle in the backseat
singing songs from forgotten days
running chances through my head
piecing everything together
of whats been left unsaid
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
i said why dont you let me in
its kind of wet out here
everything i need
is right inside
anyway
can you read the words behind a smile
im about ready to jump ship
so ready for this
what if i told you
the one thing i wanted
more than the world
was just to hold you
for two minutes
brush your cheek
forget about everyone else
baby please
just listen to me
i know you can see
im not the same boy i used to be
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
we dance
we play
god after so long
how does it feel the same
im not ready to leave
not tonight
darling i swear
i wont cross that line
ill take out a blanket
sleep on the floor
next to your bed
restless with lights out
you know im right
ok you can come up
but just for tonight
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
for the six hundredth time
i put the glass down
and hide my breath away
put the peddle on the floor
im comin over
rain punishes the window
blinding my sights
i got a bottle in the backseat
singing songs from forgotten days
running chances through my head
piecing everything together
of whats been left unsaid
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
i said why dont you let me in
its kind of wet out here
everything i need
is right inside
anyway
can you read the words behind a smile
im about ready to jump ship
so ready for this
what if i told you
the one thing i wanted
more than the world
was just to hold you
for two minutes
brush your cheek
forget about everyone else
baby please
just listen to me
i know you can see
im not the same boy i used to be
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
we dance
we play
god after so long
how does it feel the same
im not ready to leave
not tonight
darling i swear
i wont cross that line
ill take out a blanket
sleep on the floor
next to your bed
restless with lights out
you know im right
ok you can come up
but just for tonight
every push against the bricks
every new acre my soul has explored
every time my body was empty
and i told myself i could take more
i had our rust colored picture in mind
moving season
so. ive noticed. that everyone is movin.
i will be movin soon. i hope.
christina just moved.
kristina is movin.
amber is movin.
aaaaaaaaaaaand my old dear friend mike is movin. back to cali. this is gonna be some real shit.
i got an offer in on a house. but i think theres quite a few. we'll see how it goes.
im also full. ive been tryin to eat more protein. in turn. im really full.
im gonna have a couple days this week extra time. the boss is gone. so im gonna continue to work on benchtopping a recipe. i have a bag of pure caffeine. im gonna make an energy item. exciting. apparently caffeine straight taste like sour earwax. so this will be a challenge.
i think thats about it.
were goin ice skating and gettin crunk this weekend.
indecent proposal. everyone has a price. mine is about 100 grand.
i will be movin soon. i hope.
christina just moved.
kristina is movin.
amber is movin.
aaaaaaaaaaaand my old dear friend mike is movin. back to cali. this is gonna be some real shit.
i got an offer in on a house. but i think theres quite a few. we'll see how it goes.
im also full. ive been tryin to eat more protein. in turn. im really full.
im gonna have a couple days this week extra time. the boss is gone. so im gonna continue to work on benchtopping a recipe. i have a bag of pure caffeine. im gonna make an energy item. exciting. apparently caffeine straight taste like sour earwax. so this will be a challenge.
i think thats about it.
were goin ice skating and gettin crunk this weekend.
indecent proposal. everyone has a price. mine is about 100 grand.
a letter from my heart
told me to wait here
in the wind
defending ours
we've made so many times
i read
and i obeyed
can we separate
the cold shoulders
put them in their place
can we do without
this ambivalence
won't you come now
its getting bright
take me home
take me anywhere
really
the sounds of iron and cotton
caught in our words
we'll fool the world
breaking ribs
down to the hips
we can fool the world
and make it yours
told me to wait here
in the wind
defending ours
we've made so many times
i read
and i obeyed
can we separate
the cold shoulders
put them in their place
can we do without
this ambivalence
won't you come now
its getting bright
take me home
take me anywhere
really
the sounds of iron and cotton
caught in our words
we'll fool the world
breaking ribs
down to the hips
we can fool the world
and make it yours
i needed a test
so i set out to choose someone
who could light up the sun like i do
wouldnt it be something to chase it?
oh my have i been busy. work is pickin up. im takin more of my supervisors workload. good for her cuz she's gonna be gone all week next week and guess who gets to do it. my meeting with the executive team, the "wisemen" as i call them, went well. some ideas came out of it. when these ideas were talked about at our weekly meeting this afternoon one of the technologist looked at me like why you givin me this extra work. i gestured to him this is mine i'll take care of it. business is pickin up for sure.
ok heres the good stuff. went and looked at two houses today. both two story houses. love it. the first one was nice. i said ok this is really good but lets look at the second as a reference kinda. and that house was AMAZING. new paint. new carpet. balcony. nothing that needed to be fixed. waaaay under priced. so im bidding. im excited. im tryin not to get too excited. but im prepared to go over asking price to get this. its much more than i thought i could get. the master bedroom is great. the kitchen is big. automatic sprinklers and garage door. nice vaulted ceiling, fireplace. its all good. and im gonna try as hard as i can to get that shit. livin the dream.
ok. so im home. im exhausted. gonna see my friends tomorrow. gotta make the rounds. i miss the people back home. and it hasnt been that long since ive seen them. i think i got used to comin home every weekend.
life is good.
lets make it better.
so i set out to choose someone
who could light up the sun like i do
wouldnt it be something to chase it?
oh my have i been busy. work is pickin up. im takin more of my supervisors workload. good for her cuz she's gonna be gone all week next week and guess who gets to do it. my meeting with the executive team, the "wisemen" as i call them, went well. some ideas came out of it. when these ideas were talked about at our weekly meeting this afternoon one of the technologist looked at me like why you givin me this extra work. i gestured to him this is mine i'll take care of it. business is pickin up for sure.
ok heres the good stuff. went and looked at two houses today. both two story houses. love it. the first one was nice. i said ok this is really good but lets look at the second as a reference kinda. and that house was AMAZING. new paint. new carpet. balcony. nothing that needed to be fixed. waaaay under priced. so im bidding. im excited. im tryin not to get too excited. but im prepared to go over asking price to get this. its much more than i thought i could get. the master bedroom is great. the kitchen is big. automatic sprinklers and garage door. nice vaulted ceiling, fireplace. its all good. and im gonna try as hard as i can to get that shit. livin the dream.
ok. so im home. im exhausted. gonna see my friends tomorrow. gotta make the rounds. i miss the people back home. and it hasnt been that long since ive seen them. i think i got used to comin home every weekend.
life is good.
lets make it better.
you'll never love me, until you love yourself
still busy at work. i got big boys callin me up askin when this is gonna run. when can we do that. my trainin wheels are comin off. daddys gotta make that cheddar. i got up at four this morning. so im tired now. but im gonna have a busy couple days left this week.
its hot.
aaaaaaaaand we gotta work on some things.
its hot.
aaaaaaaaand we gotta work on some things.
underwhelm me
ive been busy at work. follow ups to deviations. new deviations. meetings. overseeing. staying off the computer program as much as i can. and ive been doin good at it lately. ive been lobbying to go on a trip to washington dc next month. that didnt work. but i might be goin to vegas in october. im not getting my hopes up though. but. awesome thing. i will be playing golf with a few of the guys in r&d at the IFT golf tournament for students. which i catered last year. this year im playin that shit. so thats cool that i was invited to that.
schedule comin up looks like this. gotta go to bed early tonight cuz i gotta be to work at six tomorrow. oi. then i guess im goin on a picnic in the evening.
thursday.... i dunno.....
friday the plan is to check out some houses after work... then depending on what happens ill drive home...
saturday ill be hangin out with christina... which im lookin forward to.. been a while...
i bought some testosterone boosters... desperate times call for desperate measures... im tryin to eat more protein... drink more water... do the things i need to do to get bigger... we'll see how this goes...
and thats about it. im content.
schedule comin up looks like this. gotta go to bed early tonight cuz i gotta be to work at six tomorrow. oi. then i guess im goin on a picnic in the evening.
thursday.... i dunno.....
friday the plan is to check out some houses after work... then depending on what happens ill drive home...
saturday ill be hangin out with christina... which im lookin forward to.. been a while...
i bought some testosterone boosters... desperate times call for desperate measures... im tryin to eat more protein... drink more water... do the things i need to do to get bigger... we'll see how this goes...
and thats about it. im content.
decadent shit and rival nights
this weekend was pretty fuckin good. i mean, its up there. start with the wedding. it was a really small ceremony. we were privileged to be invited. i thought i was gonna get all mushy but didnt really. i was thinking what i want and dont want at my wedding. whenever the hell that is. had a little social anxiety. danced for half a song. and it was some good stuff. then drove over to the hotel. excuse me, resort. and holy shit was that something else. the place is gated and they check to see if you even belong there at the gate. i guess thats what six hundred dollars gets ya. drive up this long ass drive way through hills to the check in spot. did that. then drove another mile up the hill to our room. which looked like apartments. the view was pretty good. the room was pretty awesome. two fireplaces. wood floors. six dollar m&m's. i'll leave out all the "intimate" stuff but that was good too. lol. got up this morning. sat out on the balcony and listened to all the Lamborghinis and Ferraris go through the hills. there was a car show in town. anyway. it feels good stayin at places like that. dining with the snot heads and all that. i sat out there thinking why the fuck am i living in fresno. me n this girl could pack up and live on the coast and be able to make it just fine i think. but i hate fresno i mean. it is what it is. and its not good lol. why stay five years? i think i'd be just as fine stayin here two. i dunno. we'll see how it goes. k back to my weekend story. went to carmel downtown. thats a neat little town. didnt explore really just walked down to the beach and back. that beach is pretty cool. white sands. fancy houses on the hills. looked very east coast. god what am i doing here. then went kayaking again in monterey. not as many animals as out as there was last time and the battery died on the camera halfway through which was a bummer but got plenty of pics from this weekend. which i will upload now. not even looking forward to going to work tomorrow. ugh.
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