The Archetype Logs

2010-11-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

due to a breach in security i will either be going back to this blog or starting a new one. i shall let you know.

2010-04-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

he named names

2010-04-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

ok. work was busy. i made opinions to marketing. i think theyre starting to listen to me now. finally. rest of the week should be more chill.

got home. showered. in hot water. and then drove over to merced. picked up nicki and we had sushi. it was pretty bomb. its a new place that opened. i guess the 2007 poker champion opened it. ive seen him on tv before. neat seein this place of his in merced. anyway. it was good seeing her. catching up on everything. i guess amber was pretty angry we were going out. join the club and get over it. all in all it was quite good.

then went over tifferkins house. saw her for a short bit. also nice.

tomorrow im going out with jennifer. not sure what the plan is.

im happier out of the house. i feel good right now. in fact, im even having a glass of wine. that i think has been sitting out too long. but fuck it.

so ive received two compliments in a week from people that havent seen me in a while that i look much better. so i guess all the runnin and stuff is payin off.

today, im good.

2010-04-13T20:02:00.001-07:00

I forget when words were only words
She knows the party makes me nervous
In this stage we can't get hurt
Don't try to understand me

We're too cool to be alone
But, not too crazy to get busted

I found out one life ain't enough
I need another soul to feed on
I'm the flame I can't get burnt
I'm wholly understated

I found silence in this space
An on and off again attraction
I need such amazing grace
Heaven sweep me away

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't strain, cuz nothing ever comes from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are

I strap on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new feel dirty

I don't need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you
You can't blame the heart you save
Giving something away

I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
We sat on my back porch and watched it
In my head I heard the sound
Like fifteen strangers dancing

But oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I wish I was somebody else, baby
Oh how I wish you could own me

2010-04-11T21:30:00.001-07:00

quiet little day. im tired and bitter and resentful. and still coughing. maybe that will strengthen my ab muscles.

should be a busy first part of the week for work. tuesday im kinda dreading. its gonna be a fight with marketing.

supposed to go to merced sometime this week. should be interesting.

enjoying the rain.

the fur ball is leavin tomorrow.

i guess thats it.

my dances with wolves

2010-04-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

tornados ryan newan won nascar tonight. kicks ass.

dog sitting is cool.

fresh and easy. awesome grocery store.

went running today. i feel good about where im getting.

the focus has a sun roof. i wanna have some fun with it.

everything else. bleh.

not sure whats on deck for tomorrow.

no strings attached.

2010-04-09T23:03:00.000-07:00

had a good evening. spent the night with friends. conversed. it was all good. happy.

dog sitting this weekend. sadly im excited about it.

work is movin along.

makin plans for chicago next month. just gotta buy the tickets.

apparently gettin my car back at the end of the month. hopefully its all good.

fuck....me.

2010-04-07T22:01:00.000-07:00

work has been quite busy. i was quite flustered monday. but got my wind back tues and weds and am doin good. burritos off for a trader joes decision. i hope mine is picked. theres a feather in my cap.

home life is kinda wrecked (foreshadowing here). fighting. differences. etc etc etc. totalled? (foreshadowing again)

some bitch pulled out in front of me. so my car hit her car. mine may or may not be totalled. all i know is im sad. and am gonna have a rental for a while. so mad. just another pile of shit i gotta clean up.

what else. um. bought one of those doorway pull up bars. im sore today so thats good. my texas trip got pushed back to next month. im goin out. went out tonight. goin out friday night. what for the weekend? after todays events im not too sure.

2010-04-04T16:50:00.001-07:00

things have been down the past couple months... which translates to poor viewership with me having nothing exciting to say... well things need to change... be resurrected... bring. out. your.dead.

i had a dream last night... that left me woken and shaken at 4am... bite marks and scratches on the back of my brain... its weird how things completely imaginary can punch you in the emotional stomach harder than anything in real life does... sad really...

with that said. i had a good weekend... but now im home.. .cuz i gotta work tomorrow... im going to make a point of going out this week though... i need to get a life back here...

my emotions, and my soul, need to be seasoned. im tired of rotting away.

2010-04-04T07:53:00.001-07:00

resurrection... is for those... who didnt get it right... the first time.......

dances with wolves

2010-04-02T22:37:00.000-07:00

where are we. we who. rhetorical.

ever feel like youre just goin through the motions of life.

im home. for the easter weekend. cooking bacon, brussel sprouts with figs. which sounds good right now.

i had a lot i wanted to type. oh well.

2010-03-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

C://my_documents//upload//deleted//bringoutyourdead/////

2010-03-30T20:42:00.001-07:00

im restless.
im hungry.
take me.
feed me.

burn my heart on wounded beach

2010-03-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

its allergy season. fuck.

super busy at work. coordinating this big fucking thing. got a neat lil showin on thursday. stay tuned.

goin home next weekend.

went over to monterey and carmel this weekend. i prefer carmel. got invited into these strangers house. but, had beer and listened to them sing songs on the balcony. it was neat.

got a spiffy new pair of shades.

home life? stable? i dunno. one of my friends is mad at me cuz i havent been returning texts. and if i do return them someone else is mad. fair? lifes a bitch.

its gonna rain this week. stoked. might impede my jogging. but whatever.

thats all.

2010-03-27T10:35:00.000-07:00

and when i sleep
all i see is you
that face
those eyes
burning like leprosy

ratings are down

2010-03-26T20:40:00.000-07:00

i havent blogged much lately. i dunno why.

big change made at work. personnel wise. not sure what it means for us. but he was pleasant. in fact. bringing in a new piece of equipment. not specifically for my product. but it will help it.

an old acquaintance of mine moved to fresno. apparently alot of people from paso come here.

supposed to be goin to the beach tomorrow.

otep monday.

i guess thats all i feel like talkin about.

2010-03-23T16:35:00.001-07:00

frustrating
fucking
day

2010-03-23T06:31:00.001-07:00

nightmaresss

2010-03-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

i like my space. not myspace.

disappointed.

just tired of it. flat out.

got your pretty make up on
hundred dollar shoes
all the latest fashions love you
too bad i did too
hey tiger
hey girl
hey fuck up
go get the world

i'm taking the you out of us

2010-03-20T23:08:00.000-07:00

nothing hurts worse than falling in love...........

so youre sorry. yeah youre sorry thats fine.

e-race.

it was an interesting weekend. did i learn anything? no. was i inspired. yes. a 6 six course meal. that took three and a half hours. and out of all that there was only one good one. a soup that was the best ive ever had. still not worth it. the meal the weekend prior was better. but. i had some amazing scallops and crab cakes. and a tomato ice cream w/ mozzarella cream and a basil cracker. i love it. not to mention a sweet ancho sauce which i will try to duplicate next week. cuz it would be good with some chicken. hung out with the guys. they weigh a hundred pounds more than me and i held my own in drinking. i feel accepted now. i was hurtin this morning but made it through. sat 5th row in a spring training game. got my face sun burnt in the process but it was an experience. a damn good one. actually cooler in Fresno. probably the only time ill ever say that. it was a decent past few days.... for the most part.

tomorrow. i need to work out cuz i have only once or twice in the last eight days. feel flabby. and shop for a luxury apartment and new polos.

thatd be all.

2010-03-16T22:09:00.001-07:00

"pack your shit. phoenix"

250

2010-03-14T23:30:00.001-07:00

this. is horseshit.

2010-03-14T21:10:00.001-07:00

another one gone. yay for you.

my body is tired. and i havent adjusted to this damn time change yet. tomorrow will be busy at work. gotta go to tulare.

also need to get my ass a haircut before i leave too.

thats all.

2010-03-13T22:50:00.000-08:00

my taste buds were tantalized this weekend.

other than that i breathed fresh air. saw friends. drank good wine and cheap vodka.

short week next week. working mon-wed. then thurs-sat is phoenix.

didnt see the beach. grrrrr.

i need to travel more.

in the midnight hour she cried.....

2010-03-11T19:30:00.000-08:00

alright. no house. semi content with throwin in the towel.

goin home this weekend.

goin to a baseball game while im in phoenix next weekend. 7th row. should be nice.

tryin to switch up my work out.

thats it.

2010-03-09T19:58:00.000-08:00

today was a good day. busy day.

had a concept for a new product line. made it. showed to a few people. they were impressed. so im showin to a whole group on thursday. so i gotta get stuff ready for it tomorrow. when one of they marketing guys looked at my product he asked if someone else who had been workin there for twenty years had made it. i said no it was me. it was a good compliment. so the next two days are gonna be busyyyy.

went runnin. knee held up good. ran harder. and longer than last time. i feel good about things in that department.

excited about phoenix next week.

still no word on the house. what the fuck. i want a dog.

19th street is alright

2010-03-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

went over to tiffanys last night... shit was pretty cool until it hit the fan... lol but it was fun... apparently im not allowed over there anymore... oh man... it was crazy times... but good times...

dont really want to go back to work tomorrow... got shit to work out... product to make... hopefully they taste good...

another wedding invite... good grief...

im hungry...

went running today... hard... wore the brace and it helped... although it hurts a little now.. i should be fine...

thats about it...

still alive

2010-03-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

no surprises at work. it was the stupid lady who sits next to mes birthday. so i printed her out a card and have everyone sign it while she was on lunch. then i took a dollar off coupon for carls jr and stuck that in there. an excellent gift.

when youre hungry, you eat. and when youre not, you dont.

i think im gonna save 150 bucks and have a guy at work change my transmission fluid for me.

the crazies is semi scary.

worked out for a solid hour today. and im not super tired for whatever reason. probably cuz im not putting much energy into anything else.

i should find out about the house. which reminds me. i have a call to make.

apathetic

2010-03-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

my mother always told me, be careful who you love

put in my highest and best on a house. we'll see. shrugs. i have a weird feeling about this one.

tried to work on a new system and failed this morning. damnit. went on a three hour lunch. lol. and had a meetings the rest of the day. chilllllllllllllll.

another night full television and nothingness. at least the office is on.

whats on tap for this week. cooking studies and protein replacements. exercises.

2010-03-01T17:52:00.001-08:00

when theres no one alive worth saving
bring out your dead

2010-02-28T19:54:00.001-08:00

...bring out your dead...

2010-02-28T16:47:00.000-08:00

i thought ive blogged since ive been home. apparently not.

spent a couple hours yesterday fighting with my espresso machine. but got it fixed and im happy about that.

eating the other chicago pizza tonight.

did some cardio today. poo on my knee. stationary bike hello.

not excited about going to work tomorrow. but back to reality.

no games.

the new rob zombie album is pretty bleh.

i think next saturday im goin over to merced to see tiffany. thats my plan. besides gettin my oil changed. maybe even my transmission too. that needs to be done. im gonn look for some deals online.

2010-02-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

she had clean cut collar bones
hips i could not escape
how do you escape the nightmares?
write them out
everything you see
until they eventually leave
i couldn't say goodbye
couldn't picture her
not in my life
i cant express my feelings
maybe ill just describe them
with a thousand stories
of a love lost
thats shadowed with lies
hands i couldnt keep to myself
lips i couldnt keep to myself
kiss me a hundred times
i never would tell

blehhhh im not good at writing like this anymore

the waiting game

2010-02-25T18:03:00.000-08:00

so lets see. tomorrow i got three hours between class and when i can check in at the airport. two hour flight. then wait another two and a half hours in dallas. and then a four hour flight home. geeze. thats alot of hours.

i guess im ready to come home. ive had enough cold weather. not ready to go back to work next week though. but at least in three weeks im off to phoenix. this kinda gives me the travel bug. maybe ill take a vacation in april or something.

goin to look at houses on saturday. ill get one someday.

i need to go see tiffany soon.

took pictures today. they came out good.

done.

2010-02-24T17:56:00.000-08:00

i actually learned stuff today. finally. but my coworkers have left and im on my own now.

its still cold.

the trex is hungry. ive noticed that when i dont dwell on it its not as bad. hm.

tomorrow im goin over to the campus to take pictures and buy some stuff.

lookin forward to going home and drinking.

thats it.

2010-02-23T18:44:00.000-08:00

its still cold. theres still snow everywhere.

gonna be on my own starting tomorrow.

i like the scenery. things just seem simpler here. not as exciting for sure. but pretty. about the same for the females i think. my plans for the next couple evenings. i dunno. tomorrow im gonna go back down to the gym. ran 3/4 mile today and felt ok. so probably will run at least one tomorrow. thursday im gonna walk around campus. take pictures. i told people id pick up stuff for them. but there not really shit here. i dunno.

2010-02-21T18:44:00.000-08:00

well here i am. in kansas. snow on the ground. a little bit in the air. and im bored. this town is quite small. ill explore later this week.

roller derby last night was neat.

i guess thats about it. class tomorrow. weird sayin that.

2010-02-19T20:49:00.000-08:00

im gonna start wearin a bullet proof vest to work. oh shit. maybe at home too. but on the good side i'm givin people in high places "hope for the future". and thats all i gotta say about that.

it'll be nice to be outta the office and lab for a week. travel. to cold temperatures. that match the temperature of my heart.

roller derby tomorrow. i think. and packing.

it'll be an early bed night. i couldnt sleep last night.

i wish i had something interesting to say. im half the man i used to be.

2010-02-18T20:46:00.000-08:00

today feels like a friday. probably cuz i went out and drank tonight. oops. at a bar. oops. not my style. for sure. but you gotta play the game.

im tired now. and its early.

not working tomorrow night now. yay. now i can drink the night away.

havent worked out in a few days. yuck.

everything else is whatever.

2010-02-18T14:52:00.000-08:00

She had that new car smell...

odds and ends

2010-02-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

espresso machine here. delicious. chicago pizza arrived. delicious. rearranged the kitchen.

computer fixed. hopefully. 108 dollars later. i need some more money.

finding my niche.

i need more room in my apartment.

didnt work out today. too many other things that needed to be taken care of.

damn that pizza is good.

i dont ask for much. shit. shakes head.

the cat has disappeared. its been like 5 or 6 days. hmmm.

got my car detailed today. not bad for twenty bucks. and it smells good.

tryin to upgrade my life.

2010-02-16T20:08:00.000-08:00

got a knee brace. we'll see if that helps. i kinda doubt it.

espresso machine should be here tomorrow. stoked. along with pizza straight from chicago. stoked.

have to work friday night. suuuuuucks. there goes my drinkin. and im not saturday night either cuz i gotta be at the airport sunday morning cuz my flight leaves at 6:15 am. wtf.

showed a product today to the big man. he liked it. so im gonna show it to everyone. probably when i get back from kansas.

thats it.

dances with wolves

2010-02-15T21:21:00.000-08:00

"should we go inside? gettin kinda wet out here..."

"no, stand out here and kiss me. til we're drenched."

ever have certain moments instantly hit the bottom of your soul? here's one.

we ran into the house shortly after. couldn't take my hands off her. and her off me. until we were completely undressed. and then i just stopped. and stared.

2010-02-14T19:57:00.000-08:00

so fulllllll. i feel disappointed for letting myself eat all that food. which makes me think i might be getting a complex.

spent over four hundred dollars on a espresso maker. having beautiful coffee every morning is something to be happy about. good bye shit coffee.

not sure what this week will bring at work. hopefully its relaxed.

love stories just make me bleh now.

i forget what its like to feel happy.

everything you ever wanted?

2010-02-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

today was lame at work. was there at 5am. its funny how the people in different departments have different mind sets. its like high school i swear. you have jocks. nerds. freaks. burnouts. etc etc. in the food manufacturing business you have r&d, production, qa, marketing. its just a constant battle. i dont know. hard to explain.

learning the intricacies of the new phone.

relaxing and doing nothing tonight. cleaned house when i got home.

seeing happy couples on tv makes me want to vomit.

im thinner than ive been in a really long time i think. hopefully my knee stops hurting so i can run again. maybe sunday.

not a whole lot else.

2010-02-11T20:42:00.000-08:00

tired.

got my iphone today. its alright. gonna cancel my other phone soon.

what else. cutting went 50/50 today. didnt care for the new idea. which wasnt mine. so were sticking with original. despite its inefficiencies. so its fine.

gotta get up at 330am tomorrow. oi. lots of coffee for me. if i have time. i actually have to work. wtf. at least i'll get to leave early. hopefully.

not sure what exactly the plan is for this weekend. i know this house is gonna get cleaned. i know that much.

2010-02-10T20:55:00.000-08:00

i need to give specific people access to this.

i didnt get my coffee machine. by some weird thing. i was bummed. i cant fucking give away my own money right now. how frustrating is that.

went jogging. and my knee blew up. so i limped like half a mile back to my car. i dunno what i did its weird. i probably should have rested another couple days.

unhappy at the moment. what else is newwwww. i leave in eleven days to kansas. should be interesting. i need to find what there is to do in that town.

got a reformulation showing tomorrow. hopefully it goes ok. trying to iron out all the wrinkles people have. set me free. let me be me.

let me be me.

2010-02-09T20:02:00.000-08:00

so. yesterday. two dots connected. for the first time. do this and i wont be mad at you. i do it. oh, still mad. frustration. flash back sets in. im sitting on my computer, screaming at instant messenger. nothing i ever do is good enough. theres always something. quite tired of feeling like less. this is how its gonna be. this is who i am. is it good enough.

Dances with wolves

2010-02-09T18:00:00.000-08:00

as i turned onto my street i noticed your car right away... sticking out like a sore thumb... i pulled into my drive way and there you were... getting out of the car it was raining about as hard as my heart was beating... and you just stood there... with a red hoodie but you wore it down... letting the rain drag the mascara down your face you simply stared at me... until you finally said, "i'm ready to come home now"....

fixed.

2010-02-08T18:03:00.000-08:00

so everything that broke down friday is hopefully fixed.

got new prototypes up and running. showing at the end of the week i think. consumer tests at beginning of next month.

getting my iphone.

got off early.

jogged a couple miles around quail lakes. gonna try to do cardio more often.

feel good. good day.

2010-02-07T20:11:00.000-08:00

i feel sick. drink your protein david.

this weekend was bleh. wedding was what it was. i thought id be jealous. but. there really wasnt much to be envious of. i have a vision/delusion of grandeur. someday.

i dont really want to go to work tomorrow.

not much to be excited about.

and thats how things are.

things.fall.apart.

2010-02-05T23:24:00.001-08:00

my product is on the brink of going nowhere. i have to reformulate. fast. or else.

everything else is failing.

its hot in this house.

no iphone.

tomorrow is a sham. people who want the real thing should have it.

5@^3 W3

2010-02-04T21:28:00.000-08:00

worked. worked out. saw the baby. sushi. office. tired.

tomorrow is my second big test at work people are talkin about. i dont have much confidence it will work. but like someone told me today "failure is something you can learn from" or something like that. and i already know that. so we'll see how it goes.

lets expand on the baby thing a little. i want a family. lol. i do. id be perfectly happy settling down real soon. and people say im crazy. but ive been making a point of proving people wrong lately. doubt me.

gotta get packed for the big weekend.

i still believe. i still believe. i can set you free.

2010-02-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

dances with wolves
never wanted to dance with nobody but you

im tired

phone rang.
i didnt answer.

all this stuff goin on. babies. weddings. am i any closer to these things than i was a year ago? two? three? you tell me.

i want a treadmill.

right job, wrong time

2010-02-02T19:02:00.000-08:00

work. work out. eat. tv. thats my days.

got a call today about a job. in seattle. paid relocation. doin the same thing i am now for 75k. the add online said 5 years experience but the lady i talked to didnt seem to care. doin the same thing i am now but for cake mix and stuff. wow. the job i want at awesome pay at the place i wanna live. but im not ready. i told myself five years here. oiiiii.

big weekend. wedding. superbowl. guess im goin down friday. and i think im gonna stay til sunday. cuz i dont wanna watch the super bowl alone here.

no baby today.

im gettin 2400 dollars back for my taxes. should be in my account in ten days. what am i gonna do with that money. a trip would be nice. so would puttin towards my house. i dunno. we'll see. i wanna get myself something nice. hey about that coffee maker i wanted. hmmm.

thats it.

another day goes by

2010-02-01T18:41:00.000-08:00

work work.

tattoo is tender but feels good.

gonna go grocery shopping. on the search for healthy food. anything to keep my tummy where it is or better than it is now. i think all the sushi has been helping. but anything in excess is always bad.

and an exciting night of wrestling.

looked at a couple houses today. they were caca.

not a word

2010-01-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

got a tattoo today. random.

this week should be interesting at work. getting registered for phoenix in march. tryin to set up a trip to cincinnati soon. gotta defend my product. hopefully the last of the wrinkles can get ironed out. might have a chance to do another product. not as grand scale though. but still new. still in circulation.

overall it was a good weekend. got to see my friends. have some more sushi. and have a good time.

dances with wolves

2010-01-30T22:13:00.000-08:00

she asked, "whats the name of this town?"

he replied, "you can call it whatever you want." after which he stared, with a smirk on his face.

... and i wanted to attack. for the first time. in a long time.

sucralose coma

2010-01-30T22:06:00.000-08:00

first rule in life: anything you chase, will run

height of callousness

2010-01-30T15:42:00.001-08:00

back home. i feel good.

hung out last night with caitlin. watched the bizzaro office. then hung out with kristina. did again today. and saw mike and allix. i think were goin to morro bay in a little while.

im tired.

she ricochets

2010-01-28T20:27:00.000-08:00

dinner went well today. for the most part. damn you alginate and chloride.

worked out. feel good. getting slimmer.

ate sushi. again.

tomorrow im gonna come in after 8. fuck it. i was in at seven today. and six thirty yesterday.

then home.

nightmares again. this one was about my dinner i had today. lol

thats all.

dances with wolves

2010-01-28T20:25:00.000-08:00

"i want to wear this dress all night. it makes me feel pretty."

......."you are pretty."

prozac please.

2010-01-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

nightmares again.

long day. got up super early. drove down to irvine with my boss. stopped off at the coffee bean. got some quality face time in. he showed me his knives that he just happen to be carrying in his suitcase. youd have to know the guy to understand. but trip wasnt bad. snow on the grapevine. along with shitty fog. stopped off at the coffee bean for some vanilla lattes that i get to write off on my expense report. finally got down there. saw some neat stuff. whats the next big item thats gonna make our company rich? do we need a new piece of equipment for it? well thats our job to find out. drove back. same thing.

came home and prepped food for two hours for dinner tomorrow. tomorrow is gonna be long. gotta get up early and go to work to take all my food in. and i got a showing early in the morning. hopefully it goes well. and then i get to come home. work out. and pack. fuck.

didnt get the house. sooooooo frustrated and let down. only six people bid on it. i bid 20 grand over. no cash offers. and still came in second. what the fuck do i gotta do to get a house. really.

so now im havin a glass of wine. unwinding. preparing to recoil.

going home this weekend. gonna see kristina. caitlin. mike.

and thats where we stand.

give the devil his due

2010-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

didnt hear anything on the house today. should hear tomorrow.

work was semi frustrating today. i can understand the gripe but good grief. buuuuuuuuuut im going to irvine tomorrow. all of a sudden. lol. gotta be in visalia at 6:30am. should be getting back around 6pm. goin with the boss and a couple other guys. gotta go look at equipment and such. but i get to eat food there all day. and get outta the office. and i get money for every mile i drive. so ill be rich.

thats about it. ill keep you in the loop.

monsters ball

2010-01-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

ive been quite down lately. not sure why. things are lookin up in reality tho. infact. im feelin really good about this house. ill find out either tomorrow but probably wednesday. its a good one.

i want to go to the snow this weekend. but i kind of want to see my friends too. i dunno. im fucked either way.

2010-01-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

2010-01-22T18:04:00.000-08:00

had to put it all together
make choice that would last forever
had to make a choice that was not mine
had to say goodbye for the last time

im very tired. went to work late today. but theres no such thing as late anymore. got a bunch of congratulations. had meetings. got taken out to lunch. beautiful. and now. im gonna skip workin out today. watch some tv. maybe go get some dinner. and then get drunk.

going to look at houses tomorrow. then maybe go out in the evening.

vindication

2010-01-22T00:53:00.000-08:00

tonight was my first real plant trial for my product. it went beautifully. without a hitch. a couple of my peers were there. even the head of the department showed up at 11 at night. it was great. it felt like my first child or something. it was amazing, for all the people that doubted this, or thought it wouldn't work. thought i was 'crazy'.... well, ha, this is me gettin off on ya face. tomorrow you will hear all about how it went. and youll have to shut the fuck up. but seriously. im happy. very.

2010-01-20T18:52:00.000-08:00

today was good.

tomorrow is big. and long. thats what she said.

hungry for excitement.

200

2010-01-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

all i do
i still feel you

no overtime

2010-01-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

goin to the movies tonight.

today was busy at work. im finding myself constantly defending my outta box thinking to production. they want everything same same same and i want to switch it up. we'll see who wins.

thursday is going to suck. goin in at 8am. meetings and stuff all day. off at five or whatever. but have to be back at like seven seven thirty. work for like an hour maybe. then have a break til like ten thirty. and work til 1 in the morning. no use drivin back to fresno anywhere in there. maybe ill just sleep at my desk. and i gotta be back in friday at normal time. zoooooooombie.

C://hidden/5@\/EM3_upload_deletefiles_

2010-01-19T06:52:00.000-08:00

what can i say.
not thrilled about things at the moment.
they could definitely be better.
so.
want things done.
gotta do it yourself.

2010-01-18T19:56:00.001-08:00

nothing new.
at all.
how unintriguing.

2010-01-15T23:17:00.000-08:00

Did she make you feel inside
what you've never felt before?
did she promise you a life
but then left you all alone?
and doesn't it hurt?
she can control you
deceive and destroy you
doesn't it hurt?

dances with wolves

2010-01-15T23:15:00.001-08:00

"hold my hand. you'll be okay"

2010-01-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

very busy gettin signatures today and tryin to convince people i was legit.

no house. huge bummer. i really wanted this one.

very sore. feel good.

the fucking wedding is off. kind of. theyre gettin married at the courthouse. the reception is still on. i think. so i rented a freakin tux and paid for it for nothing it looks like. son of a bitch. see folks. this is why i dont rush shit like this. what a joke.

vacuumed. did dishes. and now grocery shoppin.

the cat is a terror.

i keep my cards close to my chest for a reason. the people i trust. care about. hold close. do me wrong. even to this day. and you wonder why i have walls.

2010-01-13T22:18:00.000-08:00

They say I come with less than I should rightfully possess
I say the more I buy, the more I'm bought
And the more I'm bought
the less I cost

despite all my rage, i am still just a rat in a cage

2010-01-13T21:12:00.000-08:00

no word on the house yet.

im sore from yesterday. good.

big test next week.

thats really all i feel like saying.

extrusion solutions

2010-01-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

oh so stressed. did was mentally hectic. but i get freaked out. i wanted to have a panic attack. its just a hell of a product for my first time. and it is my first time. i wasnt even this nervous about sex. at least sex felt good. but to be honest i dont remember my first time that well. all in all though things went well today i think. so. moving forward.

was talking about my house situation with the lady at the front desk today. she said i should pray and ask god to give me this house. i wanted to chuckle. i dunno. not my thing. but if i knew that, that would work, and i would i would get my house by doing that, i'd drop on my knees right now. lol. i only talk to a higher power when i want something. maybe thats why i've always gone unanswered. heh. please lord, give me this house.

came home and worked out my stress today. i feel tired and better. and talking it all out kinda helped. i just build up sorta at work.

the cat kept me up last night. he has a bell on his collar. so when he ran around for an hour with the bell on i finally got up and took the damn thing off of him. then he went to sleep on my legs at the foot of the bed which kept me from movin around cuz i didnt wanna wake him up. so that kept me from sleepin too. its like havin a fuckin kid.

thats about it.

2010-01-11T21:25:00.000-08:00

i think i have just as much potential to be completely happy. without a bunch of tangible things. i could be just as well off making just enough to get by.

do we seek out things to covet? no. we covet the things we see everyday.

i want to write something beautiful.

be more social.

i see people that have things that i want. and it makes me angry. and i want to take. whatever that thing is that i do not have.

2010-01-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

so. i saw this house today. amazing. and i put in a nice fat offer. i really really want this one.

test tomorrow.

spent today fighting nutrition panels and spec sheets.

feel like a nice dinner tonight. tokyo steak house. and perhaps getting the cat a litter box. i like how the cat picked me. instead of the other way around. this way i know she wants me. lol. if only women were that easy.

oh. and i got a weird phone call. on friday. from a guy. who said something and then hung up. and i have an inkling who i might be. but. shrugs. no skin off my back.

2010-01-10T18:38:00.000-08:00

woke up with a lot of energy this morning.

but that gradually left as the day went by. i dunno what sucks the life outta me these days.

but back in good ole fresnooooo

gettin ready to make some dinner

the cat seems to be enjoying his new collar with a bell on it. we'll see if someone else takes it off.

watching gladiator. classic.

i guess thats all.

2010-01-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

far too lost
for you to find me
far too gone
for you to revive me

2010-01-09T20:25:00.000-08:00

work has been work. the pressure is growing on me. get this done.

back home. tried on tuxs today. didnt have to pay for my brothers. but mine still ended up being 115 dollars. oi.

watched football all day.

my back hurts.

its hot in this house.

and sweet tea vodka is callin my name.

fuck i hate waiting for people.

and thats about it. nothing exciting.

very boring.

sorry.

dances with wolves

2010-01-07T19:59:00.000-08:00

hi. um. i'm not really sure how to start this really. it's sort of an awkward situation. for the last few months, erm, couple weeks more specifically, your little princess has been biting my lips. i mean, i've been her boy on the side. funny i call myself a boy. from what i've been told i'm already more of a man than you'll ever become. yes. she's told me all about you. nothing too spectacular i must say. how self loathing you are (i dont blame you). how you conduct yourself in general and the way in which you speak of me. yeah. she gave me real specifics there. like how after you're done fucking you appologize. tell her how you're sorry and she should just leave you and go to me. that very well maybe the most pathetic thing i've ever heard. truly. and im sorry. i wanted to say no to her. i honestly did. but that.... perfect pale skin... and those, tattoos on her hip bones... kept me from being in control. i suppose it wouldn't hurt to give a little bit of detail as to her digressions. erm, progressions really. i spent nights in her bed. danced between her thighs. and held her in my arms. all for not though. why? a woman wants a man. and a girl wants a boy. make sense? i'm neither. more of a monster really. but i just thought you should know. what went on. for the most part. how she moaned and played. im sorry to say, but sorry, she strayed. and i didnt have the will. to say no. you know sometimes when she has that blank look on her face. staring off into space. and its followed with a sigh or a lowering of her eyebrows. thats me.

2010-01-06T18:29:00.000-08:00

work stresses me out.

youre sweet
but im tired
of proving
this love

goin to look at houses tomorrow. the last offer came back with a stipulation that i didnt like.

im tired in the evenings again.

and i feel fat.

thats all.

2010-01-06T06:17:00.001-08:00

sweet dreams are made of these.

2010-01-05T19:19:00.000-08:00

busy day. but its good. im doin good there. and thats about it.

apparently its my parents anniversary this weekend. so i was told to make myself scarce. cuz they wanna bone i guess. sooooo im not sure where im gonna stay.

i feel like writing. but i dunno what i want to say.

3 hours of office tonight. ya heard.

2010-01-04T18:13:00.000-08:00

back to work today. it was frustrating. people in other departments seem incompetent. but it was nice to be outta the house i guess. socialize.

MIGHT be going to texas in the next couple weeks. hurricane season. or maybe its tornados over there. i dunno.

very excited for wrestling tonight. i even had a dream about it. haha. which is the first one i had in a while.

i guess thats about it.

going home next weekend to rent tuxs with my brother. ugh. supposed to see catherine too. should be interesting.

found a bunch of old emails from like five years ago. geeze. boy was i naive. i suppose i am now too to an extent. i think now i am naive and jaded. not a good combo.

2010-01-03T16:13:00.000-08:00

well i spent most of my vacation drunk and at home. i pretty much sat on my ass on the couch for the last week. which is weird for me. i'm quite motivated obviously.

so back to work tomorrow. lots of big decisions gonna be made over the next couple days. im just not excited about getting up early.

not much else. i'm fine. i gotta iron some clothes.

2010-01-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

2010-01-01T23:48:00.000-08:00

by the way
this is the answer
is the answer
all the times
that you were fallin
you were fallin
gonna battle it my way
battle it my way
even though it's endless to see it in you
gonna love you forever
love you forever
even though i'll never believe what's in you

to taste forbidden fruit

2010-01-01T22:04:00.000-08:00

2 days of vacation left.

gettin a haircut tomorrow.

dunno about sunday.

just sat around and watched tv today.

oh and had whip its. its just such an amazing and odd feeling. i get deja vu sometimes but when im on that stuff it feels like im repeating the exact same movements, mental images, everything. its hard to explain. its surreal.

watching rain man. classic.

im not totally bummed about going back to work on monday.

i wanna take another vacation. around april i think. a week somewhere. by then i should have my 8000 dollars back. all that good stuff. have enough vacation saved up. but. i dont like to plan things out. cuz things never work how i plan them.

i always thought, we'd make it through, didnt quite

2010-01-01T01:27:00.000-08:00

fell apart
and where were you???

good new years
with good people
couples
made me think
what?
not sure
wont say

all the drinks were poured with everyone with 7 seconds to spair. too busy playing wii.

no mafia. i think u need at least 8 people for that game.

somewhere
anywhere
i dont care
with you

2009-12-31T16:13:00.001-08:00

i just noticed i didnt use the word happy in that whole thing. crap.

2009 in review

2009-12-31T14:59:00.000-08:00

I'm tryin to think of all the stuff that happened this year. and there's quite a few things that stand out. But i know i'm forgetting a lot.

Finished up my last year of college. Passed micro by 1%. fuck that class.

Then i graduated and had a good sized shin dig at my place. that was fun. beer pong in a cap and gown.

Started interning at ruiz foods and was eventually hired. I got my dream job.

Oh and i bought my car. which i pined for for three long years.

Started looking to buy a home.

Developed a product that is gonna be stores soon.

Spent most of the year with a wonderful girl that would do pretty much anything for me. Which is a rare thing to find these days i think. Especially to me. Cuz i'm a pain in the ass.

i quit excessively drinking all the time.

im gonna stop capitalizing my sentences now.

drove to the top of california along the coast. went on a couple other trips i think. kayaked a few places. monterey. santa cruz.

so i think i finally became that successful person i was supposed to be this year. did exactly what i said i was going to fucking do. almost to a T. That business adult whatever side of my life is pretty well taken care. the other parts i dunno. still socially inept. i now hate driving over big bridges. my relationship skills come and go. i dunno. i hate the quiet.

so next year i'm thinking will be pretty good. my product will hit stores. I'll find out when on monday. but im thinking march or april. my fucking brain child. on shelves. in mouths. enjoyed. and digested. and hopefully i should have a house pretty soon too. after all that is taken care of i'm not sure what i'll do. maybe get engaged or something. ha.

i am considering being a drug dealer. apparently thats hot shit. dont ask. wouldnt that be something though. what if i just threw it all away? moved home. and that was all she wrote. id go back to restaurant work. oi i'd probably kill myself.

tonight some people are comin over. we're gonna play some mario kart four player style. do some drinkin. maybe i'll get everyone to play mafia. cuz that sounds kind of fun at the moment. oh memories.

i think next year i wanna work on being more social. here. not in paso. i need to get out more with friends. so im gonna make a conscious effort to do that.

what else. i need to get back into working out. i'm sorry. im scrawny.

i'm close to being complete. with everything. maybe i'll get there next year.

dances with wolves

2009-12-30T23:00:00.000-08:00

What do you want?

I want us. To go to bed with you every night. And i want to wake up next to you every morning. That's it. None of that other stuff really means that much to me.

*
"Startin to sound like you're comin around."

"I never left. Freak."

*
as i walked in i thought the room smelled kind of funny... it was cold... very cold... i layed down on the bed and surveyed my surroundings... got up after a little while to have a cigarette with an old acquittance... outside... amongst the small crowd that had gathered... she said, "i'm glad you're back; it's definitely a good thing"...

i smiled, "here's to stickin around"...

it was cold. i think i remember someone lighting a fire outback. everything is kind of hazy.

*
"when we do. i'm expecting a lot."
*

i went back into her room. layed down on the bed, next to her. ran my fingers along the bottom cusp of her sweater. making contact with her lower abdomen. i pulled myself up so my hips lay between her thighs. i kissed. and kissed. and kissed.

i was too enamored to sleep. i wrapped my arm around her and held on. like if i kept her close enough to me i wouldn't have to worry about her slipping away.

*
i layed on the bed intently watching her facial expressions as she was on the phone. smirks. and stone walls.

"he called me honey bunny"

my stomach turns into a sinking pit.

"i dont know what im doing, i'm an idiot"

really.

*
"there is where i would rather be"
*
hearts explode

this is how
lovers die

she ate my heart.
swallowed me whole.
digested my bones.
and even my soul.

2009-12-30T19:04:00.001-08:00

well im gettin better at golf.

came home. did some laundry and dishes. played video games. made dinner.

tomorrow im gettin my car serviced. goin house shoppin. then a new years get together.

still writtin my story. almost done i think.

2009-12-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

vacation starts now.

slept in til 11.

did some shopping. got a nice pair of black converse. yes im one of those kids now. some one time use red hair dye. so i can have a red fohawk. and a monster sticker for the back window of my car.

came home. made some thai chicken pizza. some hawaiian pizza.

and played some mario kart.

tomorrow morning me and jason are going golfing.

relaxing. good. shit.

story is comin along.

i want some ice cream.

2009-12-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

no work. for six days. yay.

gotta story bouncin around in my head that i want to write. except its only a bunch of clips. phrases. that are just ricocheting around my brain.

mario kart!